Help Me Be Me

Oh shit. This is bad. I’m not wrong, they’re wrong. Ouch this hurts. I wish this wasn’t this way. Why does everyone hate me? I hate everyone. I am dreading going to this place. I wish I never dated that person. They’re probably talking shit about me. I should be doing better by my age. I haven’t done anything with my life. No one loves me. I look like shit. These are the voices of worry, shame, fear, regret, pain of various forms – the loops that play out and push us to solve for x or act according to x. This is when you can’t find your way out of a situation and instead your life just gets smogged over by the situation: when you know that something is wrong and because of it, you feel terrible inside. Life suddenly loses its highlights. You ask for advice, you work on plans to overcome it, you wish on it, pray on it, lament it, replay it, try to aggressively work on alleviating it, or you hide from it and numb it. And it thickens. It’s the one thing that really catalyzes a whole lot of other beliefs – and yo

Hi peeps, this is a little power-up reflection exercise for anyone who has just had the wind taken out of them by a life gut-punch. Whether you lost a job, didn't get a second date, or just had a person tell you in whatever words that you're a loser - this is perfect for you. Heart to heart, directly from my brain this morning. Hope you enjoy. And NO, you're not crazy, your life's not over, and you're not alone. xox Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I did this myself and it worked for my so I wanted to offer it to you! This is a little refocusing exercise to help you let go of anger and resent - especially if you're fixating on something that bugs you. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a boss - you can train yourself to remember your kind and loving state. It comes down to a simple re-focusing practice when you need it most. xox Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is also known as gas-lighting – based on a Hitchcock film where Ingrid Bergman was made to feel crazy by her husband. What I am going to talk about is what to do and how to recognize when someone is intentionally keeping you feel off-balance or pushing your buttons to make you into the bad guy. It’s a control tactic, and it’s extremely cruel – not to mention, when done overtime it can make you believe you can’t trust your own instincts. You will start to lose a connection to your own gut instincts because someone is making you believe that they might be wrong, consistently over time. It can stall you from actually reaching the solution to an issue, and even blind you to real and dangerous truths happening right in front of you – on a greater and greater scale. Because over a long period of time – no matter how rational and confident you start out, eventually you catch “the sickness” of the manipulative behavior. Long story short – it’s DANGEROUS and NOT COOL and you shouldn’t be tolerating it or be aroun

How good relationships turn into bad relationships, seemingly out of nowhere. Whether that’s with fights that ensue endlessly, or one partner suddenly betrays the other partner – this kind of behavior can make you feel mystified, angry, and stuck. So I want to shed a bit of light on a potential reason behind these changes – if you once had a healthy and mutually rewarding relationship, this might give you a starting place for the work that has to be done. OR at the very least enlighten you as to what happened. My other name for this episode is Family Ties. You’ll know why if you listen to this. Does any of this sound familiar? “I thought I married someone who loved me and they seem like they hate me now.” “This behavior came out of nowhere – one day she told me she didn’t love me anymore.” “I can’t believe this happened – I want to ask her, was it worth it?” These are the kinds of things I hear often from my One-On-One clients, especially when it comes to break-ups. It’s a very common experience to suddenly s

For those who can’t stop trying to convince themselves they’re bad with self-destructive actions. This one is for Nikki. Why do we destroy relationships with those who love us? Why do break our own trust, betray our own dreams, and rob ourselves of happiness and safety as soon as we get close to it. It’s a mystifying loop of behavior that has powerful effects on everything about our life: a chain reaction that keeps us hiding or running from the ugly truth of what we’ve done. Just like an addict, you live with a subconscious awareness that you will inevitably destroy whatever good you might have – and that anxiety is overwhelming and scary. Like a lurking future of pain awaits you just around the corner. Happiness is immediately blocked by the overwhelming sense of dread that it will soon be lost. And so you self-medicate the fear and cling more tightly to what you want so badly. When you do inevitably self-sabotage and act out in ways that betray your values and the values of your partner, the experience is

Why Can’t I Change? Why Can’t I Reach My Goal? Hi friends, this is a power-up for anyone who wants a change and has wanted it for a long time, but you just don’t seem to get there and you’ve pretty much accepted it or given up hope. I am addressing a number of changes: maybe you want to be healthier, you want to find love, you want a different job, whatever it is – you want something – badly, but you’ve all but accepted that it’s not going to happen. There are too many obstacles so while you want this thing, you’ve been living without it for a very long time – and that’s the fate you’ve been dealt. I want to propose a theory I have and I am coming from a place of love – and I’d just like to ask you to attempt to believe what I’m saying is true, for you. Just for the sake of openness – treat it like an exercise. In other words – try it on “as if it were true” as your first stance, and don’t allow your defensive reflexes to stop you. I have them too – we all do, the voice that says, “False! This doesn’t rel

This is a power-up episode all about how to be more present in your everyday life – specifically when it comes to your human interactions. This is something I decided to record after reading (listening to) “When Breath Becomes Air” and this episode of All in the Mind – the guest is this amazing woman called Christine Bryden who was diagnosed with early onset Alzheimers in her 40s. She’s amazing and so is this interview. Her latest book is called “Before I Forget.” Anyhoo, I hope you enjoy – it’s very much my train of thought, so be forgiving… Xox Sarah May B. When Breath Becomes Air: http://amzn.to/1LmSgmo All in the Mind: http://www.abc.net.au/radionational/programs/allinthemind/2015-12-13/7012970 Before I Forget: http://amzn.to/1LmShHc If you're looking for more content, subscribe to "Love is Like a Plant" by new podcast with cohost Ellen Huerta of LetsMend.com – it’s all about love and break-ups: https://soundcloud.com/loveislikeaplant Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Why sometimes people aren’t honest with us and sometimes we’re not honest with ourselves. This one’s written for a person who contacted me who’s newly single and dating quite a bit. He has a few different partners and has had a lot of difficulty saying he is doing so because it goes against everything he wants. This is all about how the simple act of being honest can change your life in awesome earth-shattering ways. I talk about honesty and dishonesty and how it comes into play in our relationships. So if you’re the type of person who dates and doesn’t tell the other person where you’re really at – or if you’re super jealous and suspicious about your partner and it drives you mad, or if you’re a regular person dealing with regular relationship power-plays— this is for you! Help Me Be Me is advertising free and takes hundreds of hours to create. If you enjoy my work or it improves your life, consider a monthly donation: even something as small as a cup of coffee makes a big difference. Head to HelpMeBeMe.com/

Hi friends, in honor of Valentine’s Day I wanted to share the introduction to “The Break-Up Album” my podcast album coming out later this year. Why? Because it can be a difficult holiday for many of us – the pressure is on! And if you’ve recently been through a break-up, Valentine’s Day can be like a party to celebrate your pain – it salts the wound and makes you feel like you’re not good enough because you don’t have a person to call your own. But in reality, you’ve been given a gift – if you choose to see it that way. That’s what the Break-Up Album is all about! Making this break-up into the best thing that ever happened to you. Which I believe it can be. So with that – take a listen to the introductory chapter of, “The Break-Up Album” available later this year. If you’d like to be added to the pre-order mailing list, head to HelpMeBeMe.com and click on the album. Sending you much love this week and every week!! xox Sarah May B. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Love shouldn’t hurt. It shouldn’t feel like it’s your lifeline – that you will fall into a million pieces if someone else chooses to break up. This kind of chemical bond is similar to that we universally associate with High School romance: hormones are high and we reach sometimes addiction-level chemical intoxication. But that’s not how it should feel when you pass the hormonal bump. Like such an intensely devastating and all-consuming obsession. Past the initial courtship stage, love shouldn’t be tied to NEED and it shouldn’t be able to command your mood and focus. So if you experience it this way, and it causes you to do things that betray yourself and put your needs aside those of another. If you find yourself all-consumed by the actions or thoughts of another to the degree that it controls your happiness – this is an episode for you. It’s about the particular reasons that this kind of attachment happens to you, that you might not be able to see are operating – or know are optional. To you it probably just

Hi lovies! This is a Power Up to do with a friend, your hubby, or just solo with a pen and paper. Caveat: This leans more heavily into the self-help genre than most of my podcasts, but despite that – it’s super fun and more importantly, it’s beneficial to your quality of life! I think so much of personal growth is getting over that hump of “OMG this is stupid” and just doing it anyway even though you sound like a cliché. So with that – I want to offer you a Gratitude Practice that’s best done with a friend or significant other. A way to look at your growth and foster what you want more of moving forward. Enjoy! xox Help Me Be Me takes hundreds of hours to create. If you get anything out of this show or it brings value to your life, please consider a monthly donation – even something as small as a cup of coffee helps immensely. To donate visit HelpMeBeMe.com or Patreon.com/SarahMayB Thanks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Hi there! This is the second half of episode 70, about bettering your outward-facing self to get more of what you want and deserve. This one is all about how to ask for a raise and ways to set up the most successful outcome when negotiating your worth. This episode is structured differently than past episodes. Part 1 is about grooming and creating more value in yourself as a professional, plus ways of showing others that value. Part 2 is about how to ask for a raise in the most hard to argue with and amicable way possible – how to make it easy for a boss to give you what you want vs unintentionally souring the position you have. Part 3 is about how to go into a new job interview – the best way to present yourself and also dictate your value to the perception of another. How to ask for what you want and create the right image. I believe you are capable and perfect for anything you choose to do with all your heart. If it is not in the cards – find a new pathway – a side entry or a different avenue that rewards

Hi peeps! It is moi, Sarah May. This is Part 1 of a two part episode. Part 2 will be solely focused on how to ask for a raise and how to tell someone your value when you apply for a new job. This is for anyone who is insecure or has a hard time with confidence at work or socially. Maybe you are introverted or sensitive, so this prevents you from speaking up or saying what you think. Or maybe when you do assert yourself it hurts to hear what people say back to you that’s critical. Maybe you feel intimidated by those around you and they use tactics to make you feel worse. Because in an unseen but felt way, your life overall is guided by this theme of fear, low self-confidence, low self-worth: instead of an upward climb, it’s a torturous plateau full of mental battles and fearful anticipations. And you want to do the things that everyone else does – like speak up with confidence, demand a raise, let go of what other people think, have faith in the value of your own opinions, and be a boss. It’s just that pesky i

Heads up, this is recorded on my iPhone, so forgive me, it’s not the best quality – it’s a post-yoga reflection that I just had to record for you as soon as it came to mind, so I hope you enjoy it. It’s a short meditation to do as we enter this new year full of awesome potential. A way to check in with your thoughts and reorganize them so that you can better your trajectory, see what you’re holding onto that’s not serving you, what’s playing on a loop in your head, and what has manifested in your life that you might want to tweak. Much love and have a happy new year! Xo Smile loves. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

I know the holidays are just a few days away– which can bring up a ton of uncomfortable feelings especially if you have not-so-loving-family members. This is for anyone who has family, or anyone in their life who is meant to be nice to them and instead has chosen to close off and be mean. This could be your significant other’s family or your own family, like for example – your parent married into a new family and you feel excluded by them. So this is for anyone who has a significant other with a family who doesn’t accept or acknowledge you. Or maybe they constantly divide you and your spouse. Maybe this isn’t your significant other – maybe it’s a friend or your family – like if a parent remarried, or your family has dysfunctional ways of relating to you. This is for a friend who wrote to me – hang in there. I know this ain’t easy and it takes the strongest person to manage it. If you are helped by this podcast and find value in it, consider making a monthly donation - even an amount as small as a cup of coffe

It’s no shocker that working all night and all day with a million different deadlines can lead even the most inspired and motivated individuals to burnout and depression. Careers and schools often demand it, and it becomes the norm – hopefully for only a short time in your life, but regardless – it’s dangerous for your body and soul and can take a toll on the future-you and your success as a professional AND happy individual. So this is for people who are in creative fields, schools, or professions that require they go hard for extended periods of time – causing them to burnout mentally and motivationally. I have some information to empower you to make better decisions, plus some tools to help you if you’re already stuck in an overworked depression. And ways to temper the stress and anxiety of intense deadlines and assignments moving forward. I know there’s a lot written on this subject but I will offer you a more practical set of solutions so that you can actually implement them starting NOW and not in six m

Are you guided by a belief that something is wrong with you? That you’re not good enough, and that you are fooling everyone – pretending you’re like them, but soon enough they’re going to realize you’re not talented, cool or smart. Maybe you constantly strive to build the life of someone worthy, but always seem to feel just as worthless as before: you’re never thin enough, you’re not as successful as you’d like to be, or maybe you’re living a life that you know you don’t want but you’re too afraid to do anything about it because it’s going to show the world that you’re a weak and shameful loser. So it’s better to just stay safe, and protected in the lie. Even though you feel suffocated and stifled by this life. Well if this sounds like you then you’re in good company – this is a universal human trait: to feel that we’re not good enough. And that’s because so much of the self is defined by things we learn from others. The brain we use to drive and make money is also the brain that computes risk based on a very

We all want to be nice and caring people – because it feels good. It rewards us. However we are human and sometimes it can be a challenge to stay in that mindset, especially if people are deliberately cruel and hateful. Anger and hate become a natural reaction – or to simply shutdown and ignore. For the same is true of fearing those who hate: when you don’t understand someone and their beliefs betray everything you hold sacred, it’s a feeling that can touch every nerve inside you and incite the same thing – inside you. A hate and intolerance for their beliefs. It’s tough to be willing to understand others, especially when they express hate, brutality or intolerance. Like looking into the face of someone filled to the brim with fire and toxic sludge, spitting at you – it can offend every sense you have to witness such a thing. And worse, it can infect you and bring you down. There are lots of toxic people out there, and the natural reaction is to stay as far away from them as possible. But when it comes to peo

This is for anyone stuck in a place of self-hate and inaction. Someone in a shitty place in life, depressed and hopeless: hating on themselves, where they are, and at a loss for where to go from here. Maybe you have people in your life who love and encourage you and you hate that you’re bringing them down – yet you can’t figure out why your life just sucks so much when others get to be happy. You feel it is unfair for both of you. However – if you suffer severe depression, it’s probably not for you. I know that chronic depression is one of the hardest things to battle. And for some, it’s paralyzing – like worse than death. It’s like being a human zombie. I am terrified of depression – it’s the worst kind of pain. So if you suffer that, you might not like this post – because it assumes that you have some power in the situation. If you are a sufferer who is incapacitated by your depression, this is not for you. I feel for you, and when I have enough to offer you, I will create an episode just for you. There are