Help Me Be Me

This is for anyone who wakes up and feels like a different person. One who they really don’t like. And you can’t do anything about it. Maybe you did something really terrible and you thought you knew yourself, but you now realize you didn’t know yourself. It could be a shameful action or a revelation about yourself. It’s paralyzing and ugly and crippling in how it makes you feel. This is rock bottom. The fucking worst of days. Where do you go from here? That’s what this episode is about. Because the hardest most impossible changes we make in life – are a choice. This is a shorter episode because it’s a simple message. The goal of this episode is to help you turn around. This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. To get started and also help out this podcast, use our code and get 10% off your first month of therapy. Visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

How being overly identified with what others think is tied to a lack of self-love. This is for anyone who doesn’t trust themselves and generally doesn’t feel they’re a quality person. If you act in really selfish and self-destructive ways – maybe you betray others and lie or cheat. Or you feel really heavily identified with your body or your appearance, or the attention of others – but you don’t feel there’s much more that’s good about you and who you are, then this is for you. This is about beginning the process of understanding why this is happening and also starting to build up faith that you are a good person. The mindfulness books I mention in this episode are here: https://amzn.to/3izGVla https://amzn.to/32jI371 https://amzn.to/2RkNBHY This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. To get started and also help out this podcast, use our code and get 10% off your first month of therapy. Visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe Learn more about your

If you have insecurities that come up and cause you to push your partner away or cling too closely, this is for you. Maybe you find that you are acting out in petty ways – like, starting fights. Or maybe it comes out in jealousy. When you get insecure, you are taken out of the present joy of a relationship, something that can make you feel haunted or like you are going crazy. The worst part of insecurities is you unfriend yourself in the process. You don’t feel you SHOULD feel the way you do, so it makes you feel shitty about yourself FOR feeling shitty about yourself. Often what we do in these situations is pretend it isn’t happening. So if this sounds true for you – this is an episode for you! As with all my episodes, there are 3 parts – the what, why, and how the tools. This episode is sponsored by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. If you feel stuck in life or something is blocking you from the change you want to make, try Better Help – simply fill out a surv

This is for anyone who has escaped a relationship with a narcissist and they reach out to you, out of the blue – and how to navigate that situation. So if you were manipulated, taken advantage of, and could not find your way out of a relationship that left you feeling like the shell of a human – you were likely with a narcissist. Getting out of this kind of relationship is extremely difficult – so the eventual reach-out from this person might leave you feeling sick to your stomach. I send you my love and please stay strong! The two previous episodes I have done on this topic are here: https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/episode-50-how-to-break-away-from-a-narcissist-relationship https://soundcloud.com/helpmebeme/ep-111-how-to-tell-if-youre-dating-a-narcissist The book I mentioned that I like on this topic is here: https://amzn.to/3iFhYEC This episode is brought to you by Better Help: online access to therapists, around the globe. If you want to support this show, use our code for 10% off your first month of the

One of the hardest things to do is give up or accept a loss, even if we are unhappy and have been for a really long time. This is for anyone stuck in ambivalence over a decision to create a change in their life. Sometimes this happens when you are in a long relationship and you feel you can’t leave it – even though you are not happy and you don’t feel in love. Another common scenario is when you are in a field you don’t love but you have been to school for x number of years so you feel like you can’t leave now. It’s so scary to trust the feelings you have when you know they can sometimes change – especially when weighing this against something that is valuable in the eyes of the world. The book I referenced by Dan Ariely is here: https://amzn.to/2DwW9bl This episode is brought to you by Better Help: online therapy with licensed counselors, available around the globe. If you want to help out this podcast, use our code and get 10% off your first month of therapy, visit TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe Learn more ab

This is an episode about feeling “not enough” and constantly fixating on an identity that is lower, less-than, lazy, fill-in-the-blank negative adjective. What I am describing is something in part caused by our negativity-bias – that part of our brain that scans for threat and fixates. It’s also an identity: a secret truth – one that you subconsciously adhere to. The explanation for all things in your life, that gets repeated to you in your head whenever you are rejected, or complimented for that matter. It’s a story that restates what you lack and interprets the subtext of every situation. It’s pretty much like building a small fence around your life because it dictates how far you’re willing to strive, how much money you think you deserve, how bold you act at work, and what possibilities you even see as open to you as an individual. Which sucks! Because it’s a story ultimately created by you. It can be reinforced by the outside world but you have the ultimate authorship power to affirm or reject that story.

This is an episode about whether to make your creative passion into your job and how to create for public consumption, especially if you are a sensitive person. I have had several people ask me about podcasting and how to get started in it. I have also mentored several people in creative fields – so this is a blend of what I have shared with those people. In sum this is for anyone making the decision to do creative work and how it should come about in your life so you can thrive. - - - - If you are currently struggling with your mental health and are interested in trying therapy, you can be paired with a therapist within 24 hours via your phone or computer. To get started, simply fill out a brief survey and you will be paired with a licensed counselor – and it’s free to switch if you don’t like the first one you get. For 10% off your first month of therapy and to support this show head to TryBetterHelp.com/HelpMeBeMe Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an episode for those dealing with a fragile emotional state and they don’t know what to do with themselves. Who I am speaking to here are those who are overwhelmed and don’t know where to turn. The letters I am getting are not all related to one source of upheaval: Some of you are struggling to process anger and feelings of powerlessness over injustice. Some of you are struggling to deal with anxiety and sadness on top of anger and powerlessness. Some of you are feeling so many things that you feel as if you are going to break into a million pieces. Some of you feel useless and like nothing you do matters. Some of you are feeling lonely and overwhelmed by COVID and worried about the uncertainty of the future. And there is so much happening right now – so much emotional upheaval, on top of the isolation we are already suffering due to COVID, and the uncertainty of the future, there are the high levels of joblessness. There’s a lot of toxicity in the news and especially in social media right now. In sho

This is an episode that answers questions from the audience about fears around having kids, and since I am about to give birth to my second child, I thought it timely! It's a followup to an episode I did a few years back on the same topic. The questions I answer are as follows: 1. I love my life now, I’m afraid of not being able to do what I want when I want to do it. I’m also afraid of another being depending so critically on me. How do I know if I should have kids? 2. How will my anxiety be when I’m a parent? 3. What is it like to never have a break? How do you adjust and get through? 4. What joys of parenting have you found ground you? 5. What are the normal highs and lows and how do you ride them? For anyone new listening to this show, I am a regular person who has lived through a lot of random difficult shit and come out the other end pretty happy, high functioning, with healthy relationships. I am not a therapist or a scholar! So take what helps and leave the rest. A couple of books on this subject (and

This is an episode for if you have a painful obsession with an ex or a pervasive habit of fixating on relationships: they’re more important than job, personal time, family and friends. And often that relationship is one you know isn’t great – but you still obsess about that person, and it consumes your life. This might be especially painful during quarantine because you’re unable to distract yourself and do something about it. This is about putting yourself in ridiculously desperate positions, clinging to a relationship – even when you know it isn’t right for you. And that gush of fear, terror, loneliness, pain that overwhelms you and causes you to feel like you’d do ANYTHING to get someone to come back to you. It can make you act in crazy and degrading ways – but the pain of not having a person is too great. This was a request from a few different people (some of whom requested it quite a long time ago - so hopefully this is still helpful)!! The two books I mention in this episode are here: https://amzn.to/2

If you are one of those people who are trying to make the world a better place and that process is taking a lot out of you – causing you vicarious trauma and a deeper kind of damage that affects your ability to continue to contribute to the good of others, then this is an episode for you! You might not even realize that this is happening to you – but maybe you have noticed that you exist in survival mode all the time and it has changed you. You might be irritable, exhausted, depressed, hopeless, overwhelmed, and thinking dark thoughts that you know are not right or appropriate for a healthy happy person to be thinking. If that sounds like you – this episode is a starting point. As with all of my episodes take what helps and leave the rest. I am just a regular person – I have no certificates whatsoever. So if you are suffering in a really bad way, please call 9-1-1 or your local emergency services. For more of my writing, to work with me, make a request or make a donation, head to Yaywithme.com xo And to read

This is an episode dedicated to self-regulation, if you are in and out of a state of panic, you get lost in your emotions, or perhaps even experiencing symptoms of trauma. Maybe you just lost someone – or your lost something, like your sense of security or your job. Or maybe you are fear-forecasting and feeling very overwhelmed by the outlook of the future – like figuring all of this out is impossible. This episode begins with a grounding exercise and ends with the 21-days-of-Happiness challenge. (I threw that in there because it’s an effective way to train your focus away from what’s wrong – so please don’t think I’m being flip by including it!) In between, there are a lot of tools for talking yourself back into a rational headspace. That said if you are feeling like you can't emotionally handle wherever you are right now, reach out to your local emergency services or check out this hotline: https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ I hope this helps you and if you’re looking for more of my work, head to YayWi

This is anyone struggling with anxiety and worry right now – maybe you’re having a hard time being quarantined, maybe you are now out of work, or maybe you’re getting overwhelmed by reading the news because of the various effects of coronavirus. Whatever it is, if you find yourself in a seemingly endless state of stress and you are dooming and glooming, this is an episode for you. This episode has 3 parts but it’s mostly tools. And heads up – I couldn’t get into the recording studio thanks to said virus, so this one has a lot of background noise. Apologies in advance!! For more of my work and to make a donation you can head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon. Thanks! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high-quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks! Learn more about your ad choices.

This is an episode all about oversharing when you start a new relationship – consciously or unconsciously, and when that negatively affects your life. So for example – if you end up disclosing everything bad that has happened to you on a first date (romantic or friend), and you end up feeling naked and awkward after the fact. Or you find that you end up oversharing as a way to get people to pay attention to you – but this leads to relationships that are less than positive, on the whole in your life. As with all my episodes there are 3 parts – the what, the why, and the how – the tools. For more of my work and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com ! xo - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.helloned.com/HELPMEBEME or enter HELPMEBEME at checkout for 15% off your first order plus FREE shipping. Thanks! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/ad

In this episode, I am going to tackle a question from the audience (how to deal with rejection) and then go right into some tools! How to deal with rejection is a big one! It’s a muscle you have to intentionally grow. But quite literally it’s one of the most valuable muscles you can have because it means you move through life directly – with purpose, not guided by fear. It also means you grow exponentially. There are two pains in rejection: the loss of something imagined/the sadness of mourning. And second - the injury to ego. This second pain is the one that tends to fuck us up the most. Hopefully, I will offer you some tools for managing these pains and helping yourself move through rejection more quickly and positively, in the future! For more of my writing and to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com or visit me on Patreon xo! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This is an episode all about when you are your base level self. When you are rude, hurtful, intentionally mean, aggressive or difficult with others. Or perhaps you are sad, clingy, manipulative and controlling. In other words, when you act in ways that make you feel really bad about yourself. These states of being usually come about when you are super overworked or stressed, or you’re sleep-deprived or hormonal¬– and you end up snapping at people you love. Regardless of the conditions that set it up, it’s a state of being that perpetuates more of itself via feelings of shame and self-blame. A vicious cycle! So included in this episode are tools to help you navigate out of that state and also retrain yourself if you habitually end up here. For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go t

This is an episode all about when we start living life from our routine of “should’s” versus stopping to ask ourselves whether or not we are happy. When we get into a machine mode, going through the motions – we are on an autopilot of sorts. We are only operating from the neck up. This is when our life’s decisions are based on what we think we should do based on whatever particular responsibilities we have during that time. Yes, the brain is what serves us most in terms of survival – but it can lead us into a state of emptiness and resent if we don’t stop to listen to our heart and gut, too! (If you’re a caregiver who is not as happy as you think you “should be” based on everything you have, this is an episode for you – too!) For more of my work, to make a request, or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo! - - - - - - - - This episode is brought to you by Ned, maker of (awesome) organic CBD products! I very much enjoy these products and they’re made from very high quality ingredients. Go to www.hellone

This is an episode for anyone who feels like self-help and steps toward personal growth haven’t worked for them and they likely won’t. Maybe that’s because you feel alienated by most of the content out there, or maybe that’s because you feel like all the change you try to make does nothing: you just can’t win. Or maybe you feel like you haven’t made enough progress in your life in the areas that matter most to you: relationships, self-control, career success, happiness, confidence… etc. So you just feel stuck in a rut. Or maybe you just feel resentful toward all the people who seem to apply self-help easily to their lives. You might think….Self-help doesn’t work for me. I never can change, I don’t take the steps, I don’t read the books. I am royally fucked in my issues – I don’t see them going away anytime soon. Most people don’t resonate with me or “get” my issues. This is also for you if you are in a place where nothing seems to work for you – if you want to believe all the touchy-feely optimistic stuff but

This is a set of journal prompts for you to reflect on as you orient yourself for the year and reflect back on the years previous. This is what I have done and I got a lot out of it. I think you will, too. I like it because it draws on data while really bringing out more of what’s positive. It matters WHY you do something – because if you don’t really want to in your heart of hearts, it’s much harder to do it. These are reflections that allow you to set goals focused on what has made you the happiest. I hope you enjoy it and happy 2020! If you have any requests, comments or to make a donation, head to YayWithMe.com xo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Shame and trauma cannot be separated – they are incredibly interwoven. The reason I created this episode is shame is virtually unavoidable if you’ve been through a trauma and often times the shame is even harder to process and heal from. Why? Shame is an unseen self-authoring wound. It creates a whole slew of behaviors because we are tasked with carrying it – and as you are aware, shame is toxic. In order for us to contain it we need a wide buffer: a padding between it and consciousness. However, the way we create this is often very damaging and shame-inducing. So it’s a domino effect. And so most people avoid it for many years – why? It is too painful for us to look at. It’s also painful for others – if it tells you anything it’s often also avoided by therapists, because of how much discomfort it causes. So this is really just an entry-level exploration of possible shame in your person. Inspired by my own recent enlightenments. They happen the tiniest bit at a time. I also have some reading for you on the to