Sunshine Parenting

Part of helping kids learn to deal with discomfort is learning how to be uncomfortable ourselves. -Christine Carter, Ph.D. In Episode 41, I'm talking with my friend and favorite happiness guru, Christine Carter, Ph.D. I have been a fan of Christine's research, writing, and speaking since 2011, when I recruited her to start doing staff trainings at my camp. Christine was my first podcast guest back in Episode 1 and has been instrumental in helping me stay up-to-date on the research about trends affecting the well-being of children, teens, and adults. Christine is the author of The Sweet Spot: How to Achieve More by Doing Less (2017) and Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents (2011). She is a sociologist and Senior Fellow at UC Berkeley’s Greater Good Science Center, where she draws on scientific research to help people lead their most courageous, joyful, meaningful, and authentic lives. The working title of the book she is currently researching and writing, about what teen

We're craving those few people who know us and love us no matter what. -Shasta Nelson In Episode 40, I talk with Shasta Nelson, M.Div. Shasta is a leading expert on friendship. Her spirited and soulful voice for strong female relationships can be found in her books Frientimacy: How to Deepen Friendships for Lifelong Health and Happiness and Friendships Don’t Just Happen! The Guide to Creating a Meaningful Circle of GirlFriends. She is Founder of GirlFriendCircles.com, her tribe of women committed to creating more friendship in this world and teaches monthly friendship skill building classes at The Friendship University. She also writes at ShastasFriendshipBlog.com and in the Huffington Post, speaks across the country, and is a frequent contributor to the media appearing on TV shows such as Katie Couric and The Today Show, and in countless magazines and newspapers including The New York Times, Good Housekeeping, Health, and Forbes. A few quotes from Shasta: "Most of us are lonely because we don't feel k

A lot of what I teach is helping parents understand their children as people. The best way to be happy in your parenting is to recognize that your child is a person and to respect them and expect that respect in return. -Karen Lock Kolp   In Episode 38, I have a fun chat with Karen Lock Kolp, M.Ed. of the We Turned Out Okay website and podcast. Karen is an early childhood development expert and parent coach. On her website and podcast, Karen helps worried and hovering parents by bring reassuring, helpful advice and conversations. In this episode, we talked about many things, including: • The similarities between parenting toddlers and teens (and how much we both like teenagers). • How some kids need "a longer runway." • Calming down your family's evening routine Links We Turned out Okay (Karen Lock Kolp's Website) Download Karen's "Calming the Weeknight Chaos" Helping Your Fearful Kid Try New Things I was also guest on Karen's We Turned Out Okay Podcast! Our topic was Give Your Child the Magic of Summer Camp!

"It soon hit me that all of the best parenting classes in the world are not going to work if you – the mother – are feeling stressed out, unsupported, overwhelmed or aren’t taking care of yourself properly. When some parts of your life are not running smoothly, it has a knock on effect on everything else." -Kelly Pietrangeli In Episode 36, I talk with Kelly Pietrangeli, founder and "Mama Motivator" of the Project Me for Busy Mothers website and author of the brand new book by the same name. We talked about so many things, including how important it is for moms to take care of themselves. Kelly created the Project Me Life Wheel as a tool to help herself - and now other moms - regularly assess and work on different areas of life, tackling one issue at a time rather than overwhelming ourselves with all the issues at once. This episode is a great reminder that by taking care of ourselves, we become much better parents! Here's the review I wrote for Amazon about Project Me for Busy Mothers: I've been a fan of Kell

"It seems like we have a lot more patience as a family for each other." "We noticed that he started sleeping better. His personality shifted. He wasn't nervous all the time. He was just that kid that was always active, always moving, always really nervous, and when we removed that piece from the equation, we didn't know if it was technology removal or if he's just more relaxed, but we were sticking to it!" -Jill Stribling   In Episode 35, I'm talking with educator and mom Jill Stribling about her decision to unplug her 10-year-old son and adjust her whole family's tech habits. We talk about the personality changes she's noticed, including his increased concern for others, great conversational skills, and sense of humor. We also talk about how family life has changed and why she believes she made the right decision for her son by not having him use screens anymore. Jill Stribling has a B.A. in Child Development and Psychology and a Master’s degree in Education and a specialty in Literacy and Language Arts from

"When you're applying to college, there's a big focus on the name of the school, the statistics of the school, and the rankings of the school, which is important in some sense, but it didn't end up being as important for me." -Hannah   Episode 34 is a follow up to Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Selection Process. I'm talking with my daughter Charlotte and her friend Hannah about their college journey, which for both of them included transferring after their freshman year. Questions could adults ask to help high schoolers to help them  What makes you happy? What kind of community do you need around you to make you happy? What kind of area do you want to live in? What do you want to do in your free time during college?       Resources/Related College Touring 101 5 Must Reads Before You Drop Your Child Off at College How to Stay in Touch with Your College Student Episode 21: Advice on the College Application and Admission Process Book I mentioned:  

You decide as a family what's important...Every single thing can't be important. You have to pick a few things that are in alignment with your family's values and then really, really be consistent with them. Maria Horner In Episode 33, I'm with Maria Horner talking about more of her "Jedi Mom Tricks!" Listen here if you missed Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 1)! In this episode, Maria shares more of her "Jedi Mom Tricks." These are important lessons Maria has learned as a parent and as a summer camp director for the past three decades. She passes these tricks along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps. "You know, those 'Jedi Mom Tricks' that you do to control my mind without ever yelling or getting mad." -Nick Horner Jedi Mom Tricks (Part 2) Jedi Mom Trick #5: Talk about your values and priorities and what's important to you (with your co-parent) Jedi Mom Trick #6: Pick your battles: Decide and be a united front with kids Jedi Mom Trick #7: Focus on consequences not threats J

It's those deep relationships that are formed at summer camp that really have a dramatic influence on them.-Stephen Gray Wallace In Episode 32, I’m talking with Stephen Gray Wallace about his recent article for Teen Life : 10 Reasons Why High School Students Will Get a Lot from Summer Camp. Adolescents' Three Primary Developmental Tasks Forming an identity Gaining independence from parents Making friends The Top 10 Outcomes of Experiential Learning at Camp “Camp is an experience every child deserves,” according to the American Camp Association (ACA), which accredits more than 2,400 camps serving more than 7.2 million children and teens. Specifically, ACA points to the "joy" kids experience when they make new friends and the inherent value in unplugging from their electronic devices, enjoying being out of doors, connecting with other young people, and learning about themselves. And the ACA adds that, from a quantifiable perspective, the outcomes of a summer camp experience include the following. Friendsh

You’re not alone. Whatever struggle you're facing and however hard it feels to you right now, I’m confident that with support you can get through it. And I’m 100% confident that you’re not the first or only parent to have slipped up in all the ways you have slipped up, nor are you the only parent to have a child who does X or behaves in Y way. So you really aren’t alone and we are our here to support you and help life go better for you and your family. -Tosha Schore In Episode 31, I'm talking with Tosha Schore, co-author of Listen: Five Simple Tools to Meet Your Everyday Parenting Challenges. Tosha is a parent coach whose mission is to create a more peaceful world, one sweet boy at a time. She is the mother to three boys ages 11, 13, and 15. Hand in Hand Parenting The whole philosophy is really based upon the idea that people are good. That our children are born good and they're doing the best they can and along the way, as they go through life...things happen. And the body has a natural process to heal from

"Durable means to be effective for as long as possible - in your mind, your body, and also in your relationships with other people. It’s being strong and secure and moving forward, taking in and reacting to the experiences you have along the way but continue to stand strong through it all." -Jenifer Joy Madden In Episode 30, I'm talking with Jenifer Joy Madden about her book, How To Be a Durable Human: Revive and Thrive in the Digital Age Through the Power of Self-Design. Madden is a health and environmental journalist who is also a digital broadcaster and adjunct professor for Syracuse University in their DC Program. Madden is a child advocate who has volunteered her time to establish new walking and biking trails throughout northern Virginia. Madden is also the parent of three durable adults. Some of the topics we discuss include: The "Triple Crown" of Durability Genuine relationships Importance of kids being able to look people in the eye. Using a "gadget basket" during meals. Says Madden, “Not only are ki

Instead of telling kids what to do, we have the kids tell us what to do. It’s an empowering experience to let kids think that way from a young age. -Paul Dreyer   In Episode 29, I'm chatting with Kyle Littman (COO) and Paul Dreyer (CEO) of Avid 4 Adventure. Kyle and Paul are both passionate about empowering kids to choose an outdoor, active lifestyle away from screens. Avid4Adventure is a program for kids in Colorado and California. They teach every kid—from first-time adventurers to experienced athletes, from pre-K through 12th grade—how fun and empowering being active outdoors can be. As campers hike, bike, climb and paddle, they build lasting skills and newfound confidence, igniting a passion for being active that lasts their whole lives.  Why do you think there’s value in getting kids outdoors? Natural consequences: So much of the environment that we live in -- school, playground, etc. -- people have tried to remove risk. We don’t want to avoid risk, we want to lean in where kids have natural consequences

  In Episode 28 of the podcast, I'm back with my good friend Sara Kuljis talking about being strengths-focused parents. Sara is the owner and director of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp. Sara offers popular parenting workshops in Southern California. In this episode, we're talking about the importance of focusing on our kids' strengths. Ideas for Building Strengths Here are a few of the topics we discussed: Helping kids identify natural talents, the way they are made. "Tell me about a time when you experienced success. What did you contribute to make that a successful experience?" The power of naming our kids' character strengths. Enjoyed this episode? Listen to my previous podcast episodes with Sara! Episode 7: Family Pace & Space Episode 23: Peaceful Mornings Links/Additional Resources Celebrating Strengths Focusing on Strengths Power of Positive Words Catch Kids Doing the Right Thing Books Websites Gallup: CliftonStrengths Solutions VIA Character Strengths  

"We are highly focused on promoting favorable youth outcomes, things like positive identity formation, character development, leadership, civic engagement, social entrepreneurship, media and financial literacy, conflict resolution.... and we're focused on prevention, working on issues like youth suicide, prescription drug use by young people, the opioid epidemic, those types of things." Stephen Wallace Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE) About Stephen Gray Wallace In Episode 27, I’m talking with Stephen Gray Wallace. Stephen has broad experience as a school psychologist and adolescent/family counselor. He is president and director of the Center for Adolescent Research and Education (CARE), a former associate research professor at Susquehanna University, and the past national chairman and chief executive officer at SADD (Students Against Destructive Decisions/Students Against Driving Drunk). Stephen also works with the American Camp Association (ACA) as a feature magazine writer, media spokespe

“Parents are bombarded by technology. We’re all under a lot of pressure. But we’ve somehow lost all sense about parenting when it comes to screens. And we have sense when it comes to other things. Our kids don’t ask us for chocolate cake for breakfast every morning. And you know why? Because we’ve created the expectation that breakfast involves cereal and eggs and toast and fruit, and that’s it. With technology, if we create the expectation in our home that we don’t have screens on weeknights or we don’t use screens at the table or we don’t use screens at sleepovers, they will not bombard you everyday with 'Why can’t I have a screen at this meal? Why can’t I have a screen at this sleepover?' because they know what to expect. There’s something about screens that makes us throw common sense and parenting sense out the window." Naomi Riley   In Episode 26, I’m chatting with Naomi Riley about her recently published book Be the Parent, Please: Stop Banning Seesaws and Start Banning Snapchat: Strategies for Sol

"We want kids to learn to love the game." -Steve Proulx In Episode 25, I'm talking with Steve Proulx and Susan Reeder, the husband and wife team, along with daughter Aimee Reeder, who have owned and directed Carmel Valley Tennis Camp for the past 24 years. Questions for parents to ask about sports/specialty camp programs Is the camp accredited by the American Camp Association? The primary purpose of the ACA-accreditation program is to educate camp owners and directors in the administration of key aspects of camp operation, particularly those related to program quality and the health and safety of campers and staff. ACA standards establish guidelines for policies, procedures, and practices. The camp is responsible for the ongoing implementation of these policies. The second purpose of ACA accreditation is to assist the public in selecting camps that meet industry-accepted and government-recognized standards. ACA's Camp Database provides the public with eleven separate ways to search for the ideal ACA-accredite

  This episode of the podcast is an excerpt from my interview with Jessica Alexander, co-author of The Danish Way of Parenting. When we’re so immersed in our own culture, we rarely take the time to step outside our ways and see if there may be some things we can learn from others, like a de-emphasis on competitive sports for kids. In The Danish Way of Parenting (subtitled, “What the Happiest People in the World Know About Raising Confident, Capable Kids”), authors Jessica Alexander and Iben Sandahl share that one of the best cultural practices of Danish parents is not judging other parents. So, if the Danes were assessing American parenting practices, most likely, according to the authors, they’d look for the positives in our competitive, self-focused, over-scheduled, and over-supervised craziness. What this book does so nicely is not focus on what American parents do wrong but instead shares a glimpse into a culture that is obviously doing some things right – they are, after all, the happiest people in the w

My regular (and super-fun and wise) podcast guest, Sara Kuljis of Yosemite Sierra Summer Camp and Emerald Cove Day Camp, joined me on Facebook Live for this month's One Simple Thing topic: Peaceful Mornings. You can read more ideas in this month's post: 10 Solutions for Chaotic Mornings. This podcast is the audio from Sara's and my Facebook Live discussion about creating more peaceful mornings with your family. A few (of many) excellent tips from Sara: Solve one little problem. Let them face the natural consequences (not our barking and reminding!) of being late and remembering items. You are the thermostat. Keep it warm (not hot). Make your morning conversations NOT about school and logistics. Send them off with encouraging words like, "I just want you to know how much I like you." If you missed last month's One Simple Thing, you can read about it here: How to Have a Closer Family in 5 Minutes a Day. Please share your ideas for more peaceful mornings - and any victories you have this month in making small

These really aren't 'tricks.'... In order for any of this stuff to work...you have to have a strong relationship with the kids you're trying to use these on. -Maria Horner In Episode 22, Maria Horner shares some of the important lessons she's learned as a mom and now passes along to her summer staff each year during counselor training at Catalina Island Camps. "You know, those 'Jedi Mom Tricks' that you do to control my mind without ever yelling or getting mad." -Nick Horner Jedi Mom Trick #1: The Look & The Look with Head Tilt Jedi Mom Trick #2: Give Choices (that are both acceptable) Jedi Mom Trick #3: Clearly Communicate the Rules Jedi Mom Trick #4: Ask Questions I asked Maria to share some of her favorite parenting resources, and this is what she had to say: Here are a couple of books that are a little “off the beaten track”: Good Influence: Teaching the Wisdom of Adulthood, by Daniel Heischman. He’s the executive director of the National Association of Episcopal Schools. I read his book when Nick was

"For me, I grew more appreciative of everything I have...I also learned that I am a happier and better person when I am outside and don't have my phone." Charlotte, talking about what she learned on her gap semester in Costa Rica This week, I dropped my daughter off at her second college (the one she transferred to this year as a sophomore). She has several friends who also decided to transfer schools after their freshman year, so I know her college experience is not as unique as it seems. On our epic road trip to Colorado, we talked about a lot of things - including her odyssey through the college process, what her friends have experienced, and where she's ended up this year. We're calling this her "College Restart" or "College 2.0." We've also had some laughs about what she called her "quarter-life crisis," when she decided, after returning home from her first year of college (which she mostly enjoyed) to transfer to a different school. Because it's on the top of my mind (and the only thing I had time to do

A 'Yes Brain' is one that is open and receptive and resilient. It's one that, even when something is really hard, we're willing to stick with it. -Tina Payne Bryson In Episode 20, I'm chatting with Dr. Tina Payne Bryson about her latest book - The Yes Brain - co-authored with Dr. Daniel Siegel. I love this book and highly recommend that every parent, educator, and person who works with kids read it this year. I found it to be helpful not just in my work with kids but in understanding myself (and my own "Yes Brain"!) better. Tina is a psychotherapist and the Founder/Executive Director of THE CENTER FOR CONNECTION in Pasadena, California, where she offers parenting consultations and provides therapy to children and adolescents.  She earned her Ph.D. from the University of Southern California, where her research explored attachment science, childrearing theory, and the emerging field of interpersonal neurobiology.  Dr. Bryson has an unusual knack for taking research and theory from various fields of science an