Professional Contestants

When you have been creating game show strategies as long as we have, you begin to realize that sometimes its best to play to your strengths. But who would have thought that one of our strengths would be a deep knowledge of the powers associated with The Flash, including how to give someone those powers? As it turns out, it's quite easy to become a Flash. So easy in fact, that even the founding fathers were doing it. Zach reasserts his love for when people fall down, Jared knows a whole lot about Flash, and Adam deosn't believe in Ben Franklin's exploits. Talking Points Include: Yoink Me Sky Daddy, Jackass Origins, YouTube Game Show Archives, How Big is Piglett, Flowers for Flash, Ben Franklin's Delusional Schemes, Dont Touch My AllSpark

Let me start this off by admitting that we have made a mistake. When finding game shows to watch for this podcast we tend to avoid ones that are just trivia questions and ones that are already specifically comedic. Folks, this one is both. However, it does have one unique thing going for it. All the questions are about current events. And sure, we may not keep up with pop culture too closely, but what if we, ourselves, were able to create the 36 biggest headlines of the year? It would sure make remembering them a lot easier. Zach hotboxes his body with farts, Jared has the high score on Sneak King, and Adam adjudicates acceptible double hat scenarios. Talking Points Include: High Fantasy, Our New King of Sleep, Brittish Purge, Hat on a Hat, Osmosis Jones, Nose Farts, Five Good Dunks, Twelve Disguises Each, Royal Family What If

Wow everyone. We are truly getting a once in a lifetime experience with this game show. The chance to be at Disney World, in the Magic Kingdom, after hours. Just us and our friend Mickey Mouse and OH NO SOME EVIL QUEENS?!? Everyone! Quick! Focus on stopping these bad queens from stealing all of the holiday magic from the world! Don't worry about where Mickey is or what he is putting in his car. He is MICKEY after all, he's allowed to be doing that. Zach thought Disney owned the United Kingdom, Jared needs to clarify that this goat is NOT Rob Lowe, and Adam insists Mickey can go anywhere. Talking Points Include: Creating an Anti-Sex Villian, The Scratisphere, Milf-eficent, Is Santa Christian, Disney Adults, A Magic Kingdom Heist, Illicit Memorabilia, Mickey Is Allowed

Every year, Scout Elves appear in the homes of children to watch them, determine if they're naughty or nice, and report back to Santa. At least that's what parents want them to think. We three full grown Professional Contestants know better, and we also know how to leverage the same tactics against our opponents in this "sweet making" competition. You better watch out, you bette not cry, because this elf is a saint and your sins WILL be judged. Zach is confounded by Catholicism, Jared got Grinched, and Adam really hates these elves. Talking Points Include: Christmas Caper Turned Holiday Heist, Sweet Makers, The Elfs' Arbitrary Rules, Throat Blessings, Saint Dog, Saint Elf, Saint Julian Assange

For years, game show producers have been asking the same question over and over: How can I make a boring game interesting for people to watch on television. Like Bingo, for example. Can it make a good game show? As it turns out, no. But if you make it colorful, musical, bilingual, and add a charming host and some salsa dancers you sure can come close. Zach had a perverse Spotify Wrapped, Jared didn't know people could play multiple instruments, and Adam wants Raven Simone in Smash Brothers. Talking Points Include:  A Big Captain Jack Year, Sad Movie Talk, Kong In Charge, Game Shows Oompa Loompas, TikTok Live, Grinch Turned Off Body Cam, The Monty Hall Problem, Cheating At Bingo, Groundhog Day Meets National Treasure

Happy belated Snake Day everyone! We once again will be celebrating the only way we know how, by submitting ourselves to the next horrible installment of the Saw franchise. Will Zach pay enough attention to remember the plot of the movie at all? Will Jared be unnecessarily mean to Tobin Bell's performance? Will Adam be able to hide the fact that he actually likes these movies a little bit? Tune in to our sixth installment to find out! Zach skipped part of the movie, Jared has some Oogie Boogie related questions, and Adam remembers the extended plot of Saw way too well. Talking Points Include: A 4DX Experience, Attempting to Summarize Saw, Tobin Bell's Masked Singer, Trap By Trap Breakdown, The Dog Pound, Saw is Becoming Predictable, Jigsaw Family Feud, Importance of Flexibility, A Meta Saw Finale

Picture this. Halloween night is quickly approaching. You are hard at work getting together your costume and want to make sure you have the best possible plans to show it off. You're struggling to find the right event, and then you get the email. You're invited. Frankenstein's birthday. DM for address. What would you do to make it to that party? Answer: absolutely anything. Zach trusts Fester to go get ice, Jared pushes for a Frasier reboot with Dracula, and Adam wants watermellon. Talking Points Include:  I Want Watermellon, Mail Corner, Mr. Peabody's March To The Sea, Creepy House/PeePee House, Mount Rushmore of Spooky Figures, Come for Frankenstein Stay for Fester, Frank's Place, Can I Be Frank?, Frankenstein's Presidential Pardon

I think it's safe to say that many CEOs of big companies have daddy issues, and if Inception has taught us anything, it's that by exploiting those daddy issues, you can get said CEO to give up their company. All we need to do is adapt it for our situation. Get rid of all the dream stuff, add a hyper realistic puppet of Jim Henson, maybe a little bit of Leo Dicaprio in a bear suit to boot, and before you know it we'll be the puppet master CEOs of Jim Henson's Creature Shop! Zach insists the Hardy Boys will lead us to victory, Jared thinks Banksy is Gonzo, and Adam wants to do an Ernie. Talking Points Include: Real No Water Emergen-C, Veto Veto Veto, Enjoying The Spooky Season, We Love Puppeteers, First Idea Worst Idea, The First Ever Inside Kiss, Henson Inception, An Exclusive Reveal of Banksy's Identity, The Muppets Do A Manhattan Project

We have once again returned, dear listener, to the time of the year where we celebrate all of the scariest things that game shows have to offer. This year we have definitely stepped it up a notch, because what's scarier than ghosts, skeletons, zombies, or any other traditional Halloween monster? Being naked in the jungle with a stranger for 21 days, of course. Zach wants to King Louie, Jared wants to Shere Kahn, and Adam wants to Kaa. Talking Points Include: Stop On In For A Broom, Bathe For This, A Dora Style Map, Go Go Gadget Corkscrew Dick, The Blade Cave, Jane Goodall's Moving Company, Lo-fi Kaa

Time of death, approximately 7:34 pm. I saw the carnage right there on the television screen. What was once a beautiful intact word had been all jumbled up into a mess of letters, almost unrecognisable from it's original form. But don't you worry, The Unjumblers are on the case. We're gonna find whoever jumbled up these poor words and bring them to justice. Zach has some great Mario Lopez jokes, Jared wants to avoid jury duty, and Adam hates looping TikToks. Talking Points Include: Swarming The Capital, Bees Your Honor, Now Thats What I Call Scootie, Wordle The Game Show, This Meeting Could Have Been A Quibi, Dada for the Digital Age, The Unjumblers, Riddle Me This, Between The Lions

I think we can all agree that one of the worst places for unexpected shenanigans to occur is on an airplane, ESPECIALLY one that is mid flight. So leave it to our old pal Mark L. Walberg to do that exact thing via a game show that should be a crime against humanity. Well, if he can do it, so can we. Our game show's rules are much simpler though: give us $500 or Jared will make the one bathroom on this plane absolutely unusable. Zach dislikes TSA PreCheck, Jared is capable of ruining an airplane bathroom, and Adam's sleep paralsys demon is Lori Lightfoot. Talking Points Include: An Incident in Adam's Bed, Trapping the Meatball Man, Game Show Terrorism, Airplane Etiquette, TSA PreCheck, Sky Law, Give Us The Money, Chili's Three, 2 Fast 2 Dunkin

Picture this. You're feeling cozy. Like, REALLY cozy. Like, on the couch, wrapped up in a blanket, watching your favorite tv show on a cold day cozy. But you're hungry. Like, REALLY hungry. Suddenly, the smell of chocolate chip pancakes wafts in from the other room. Are you getting up to eat those pancakes? Thats right, we know you are. And that's why you'll never beat Jared's world record for coziest boy. Zach is going for the world record in tv shows memorized, Jared is going for the world record in coziest boy, and Adam is going for the world record in Tetris using a drum set as a controller. Talking Points Include: Carmella Creeper Joins The Family, Our Personal Cereal Monster Mash, World Record Flops, Believe It Or Not, Records We Can Break, The Cozyayashi Maru, Binge Scorping, Because I Ate A Hawk

Look, not only is this game show uninteresting, but it is also incredibly easy to win. We had to address it eventually, you know our vow! So in lieu of actually talking about this game show, prepare yourself for an hour or so of bits about the moon landing, Anthony Fauci, and Phantom of the Opera X Mad TV. And if you don't think its funny, you're not allowed to cancel us - because it was improv and those are the rules. Zach can't be paid to watch bad improv, Jared has ten minutes of pre Covid Fauci jokes, and Adam insists everyone should have a favorite pen. Talking Points Include: Back to School, F Word Allowance, The Return of June, Neil Armstrong's Post Moon Career, How to Get a Nickname, Anthony "Ant Bully" Fauci, Don't Be Mad if This Isn't Funny, Peanut Butter Mistrial, Gender Neutral Phantom, If I Dropped It

Let's play Balderdash. The topic is 'Ways to make sure someone is telling the truth.' There's truth serum. There's polygraph tests. There's the birthday wish of a child with a pure heart. Two of these are fake, and one is real. I'll give you a second to think... but it's pretty obvious, right? We agree. Now we just need to figure out how to get Young Sheldon to make a Liar Liar birthday wish for us. Zach thinks Kendrick Lamar eats chalk, Jared will fight Kenickie, and Adam won't accept the existance of truth serum. Talking Points Include: Climbing to Lollapalooza, The Shemar Moore Insitiute for Shirtless Crime Solving, Club Cracker Barrel, The Next Pure Soul, Using Our Hall Passes, The Russos of Hazzard, Prime Time Birthday Wish

Please join us in rememberance of this day. For once we have concocted a plan that not only makes sense, but also has a high chance of actually working. All we need is some hydrophobic material and a bunch of Hollywood studio quality squib rigs, Oh, and if the body scanner registers any metal in Jared's pants, don't worry about that. He won that medal honestly at the county fair. Zach creates a new rule of robotics, Jared has a medal for his prize winning hog, and Adam can't commiserate with Magnum P.I. Talking Points Include: Grimace Christ Superstar, Magnum P.I. Fancast, High School Swim Class, Drinking at the Hotel Bar, Ocean City USA, High Slime Ratings, Mr. Clean's False Advertising, Ducks Can't Get Wet, Robot Camera Crew, Lie To Me Makes a Comeback

On most television show sets, if an unexpected vehicle suddenly started driving around, you could rightfully expect production to halt until the issue is resolved. It is chaotic, unscripted, and quite simply a safety hazard. BUT... it is Boston Tony's last day, and he has a hard out at 5pm. It would really be a shame if he had to leave before we called wrap and could properly celebrate. Keep those cameras rolling! We've got a deadline to meet! Zach has strong feelings on the portrayal of Hercule Poirot, Jared has been a blessing on six continents, and Adam finds a new favorite catch phrase. Talking Points Include: Kenneth's New Detective Movie, Sherlock's Think Fighting, Sand Clock, Waiting for Disco, Poetry Space Jam, Vehicles You Can Drink In, Boston Tony Saves the Day

They just don't make kids game shows like they used to... but should they? After some market research, our studies show that kids just don't like slime anymore. However, is this because we just aren't giving them enough of it? In this paper, The Professional Contestants aim to explore how the type and amount of slime used in childrens' entertainment programming directly corresponds to how cringe the slime is perceived. Zach is more imaginative than any child, Jared has a strict criteria for proper slime, and Adam humbles himself before the Las Vegas Ali Talking Points Inlcude: The Big Mysterious Sphere, Humpty's Prowess, Rocky Uses Protection, The Wisdom of Summers, The Right Amount of Slime, Slime Ratings, Tubby Custard, Eating Play-Doh, The Superior Building Toy, 3D Mouth Printer

As sure as the days grow longer and the temperature creeps higher, the Summer of Summers will return to the feed of the Professional Contestants. Once again we find ourselves facing a game show made for childen, that we as grown men are extremely capable of winning. We just need to place our intelect into something that can actually participate in the game. Something like a Boy Bot. A Boisterous Boy Bot. And if he isn't Bashful then he'll Bash the competition. We're sorry. Zach openly dislikes Ryan Seacrest, Jared dreams up a wonderful Itallian story on the spot, and Adam purports to be a maze expert. Talking Points Include: The Summer of Summers, Summer Vibes, Perpetual Consenters, Which Candy Land Character Are You, A Low Slime Rating, Muddy Pokemon Maze, Wheel of Fortune Current Events, Buongiorni the Fruit Vendor, A Non-Bashful Boisterous Boy Bot

Every great spicy wing eating competition consists of three parts or acts. The first part is called "The Pledge." The chef shows you something extremely spicy: a hot wing doused in bright red sauce. He shows you this object. Perhaps he asks you to inspect it to see if it is indeed really, truly, spicy. But of course... it always is. The second act is called "The Turn." The consumer then takes the wing and eats the entire thing. Now you're looking for the discomfort... and you'll find it, because of course this hot sauce is absurd. You want to see them sweat. You want to hear the hiccups. But you wouldn't clap yet. Because eating something spicy isn't enough; you have to keep it down. That's why every spicy wing eating competition has a third act, the hardest part, the part we call "The Prestige." Zach explains his bumpy tongue, Jared will not accept Melissa McCarthy as his Ursula, and Adam once ate spicy wings for medicinal purposes. Talking Points Include: Talking Points Include: The DJ Stylings of Diesel, F

The fog rolls in. The engines rev. You wait in anticipation for the life sized Hot Wheel of your dreams to drive out onto the stage. Slowly, it emerges... Pete Davidson. Sure, you may be dissapointed at first, but this boy is about to transform into either a car or a monkey. Either way, we think that is a good enough idea to earn us $25,000. Anyway, go see Transformers: Monkey Business - only in theaters. Zach owns too many Hot Wheels, Jared loves the tiny Japaneese trucks, and Adam is incensed by the Transformers marketing campaign. Talking Points Include: Alcoholic Sunny D Taste Test, Our Foo Fighters Collaboration, Talents for the Queen, Terry Crews Does a Lot of Nothing, Spoiler Alert, Snape Poops His Pants, The Pinewood Derby, Transformers: Monkey Business, Pete Davidson The Car