Professional Contestants

You've probably heard of Brackets before, mostly because we tell you about it almost every episode. Well if you never got around to listening to it then open up those ears because your favorite Contestants are bringing it right to you! Welcome to the crossover of our two shows, serving up the quality ranting of ProCo in the semi-organized format of Brackets. Zach affirms the dangers of pots and pans, Jared is frightened by sea urchins, and Adam supports Willie Nelson's father in liquid form. Talking Points Include: Hostess Animals, Hollas For Everyone, Receipt Personal Ads, Orphan Games, Citing Your Handshakes, Alexander Graham Bell's Shawtys, The Rise of King Dedede, Poison Edith, Dad In Every Sip

Look out everyone, we're coming into this one hot! We've all got differing opinions on patriotic movies, laughing at failure, and even eating raw meats. But there's one thing we can agree on: we are gonna need a lot of trombones to pull this plan off! Wait, whats that? Oh, we're not in agreement on that either? Then your guess is as good as ours when it comes to how The Contestants are going to conquer Nailed It! Zach is on the run from library fees, Jared reveals a heinous chicken secret, and Adam gets overwhelmed by brass instruments Talking Points Include: Survival Lite, Fourth of July Movies, Laughing At vs Laughing With, Baking Facts, Spectators' Confidence, Nasty Food Secrets, Studio Hot Box, Siding With Wes, Decoy Cake, Selling False Confidence, A Whole Lot of Trombones

Apple Android Rss SHOW NOTES Sometimes here at Professional Contestants we have to do things we don’t like in order to win a game show. This is NOT one of those times. If you don’t think that oiling up and listening to Lionel Richie music all night while running an obstacle course sounds like a great time then there’s really nothing else we can do for you. We’re forming bands, reading fan fics, and arguing over butt placement in our plan to take down Oh Sit! Zach describes a rich 12 Angry Men backstory, Jared is overwhelmingly in favor of a juicy donk, and Adam gets excited about dancing to Lionel Richie covers Talking Points Include: New Theme Song, NBA Tacos, Mail Time, Cool Nicknames, Piggyback Sitcoms, Twelve Men, Black Eyed Peas 2, Backside Disguise, Oiling Up, Hype Fan Fiction

When we first laid eyes on the Big Board, we knew that something about it was familiar. That’s because we are a cultured bunch and are familiar with the story of Harry Potter. We must respect the Sorting Hat, and likewise, the Big Board… but if it tries to sort us into the Whammy house ONE MORE TIME we’re gonna stab it with a sword! The Contestants are going magical and getting lost in their own metaphors as the face Press Your Luck. Zach has it out for childrens’ science magazines, Jared knows too many Peacocks, and Adam is upset by the logistics of a stealthy Basilisk Talking Points Include: Bird Bar, Wild Peafowl, ProCo Hall Of Fame, Discovery Kids, The Sorting Hat, Snakes and Swords, Hogwarts’ Big Pipes, The Heir of Big Bucks, Chamber of Whammies, Big Board Prophesy

Hey! Rob Lowe is a busy guy. He only has three days to film an entire season of a game show. He can’t afford to shut down production just because TWELVE guys with swords are challenging him to a duel. Oh, wait, it’s just one? Everyone take five: Rob’s gotta bust a sucker real quick. Zach becomes a “Rock”, Jared hates on Samurai Imposters, and Adam defends the Good Columbus. Talking Points Include: City of Powerful of Thighs, Kentucky Caves, Carnival Scams, Modern Samurai, Alcatraz “The Rock” Johnson, The Right Amount of Stalling, 12 Duels of Honor

Some old bones just can’t keep up with new tech in the modern game show era, and that can lead to some of our classic favorites getting the boot. But there are some of those that are worth saving, and Millionaire is one of them. But if we’re bringing it back, a few changes need to be made. Specifically, a lot of people in the world already have one million dollars, so… we can just take it from them, right? The Contestants are taking down the fat cats and redistributing the wealth with their redesign of Who Wants to Be a Millionaire. Zach creates a brand new festival, Jared intends to become a sexy Pope, and Adam makes the others talk about Over the Hedge. Talking Points Include: Festival Returns, Professor Oak Talk, Dopest Scrotum, It’s Time For Regis, New Millionaires, Naughty Crime Cats, Over The Hedge, Reverse Undercover Boss, Doing The Pope

You hear a prompt to take off your blindfold. You’re in a ten by ten room and a robotic voice is talking to you, telling you that you name is now a number and this is your new home. Wait… this is my new home? Time for a housewarming party! The Contestants are moving into their new studio homes and invoking tenants rights on Solitary. Zach loosely interprets the meaning of torture, Jared finds the pod quite homey, and Adam trusts Asimov’s laws a little too much. Talking Points Include: Elementary Speech Therapy, A Whole Lot of Game Show, Real Torture?, Grimace Island, Fancy Pods, Landlord Val, Three Laws Safe, Knife Roomba, Pod Warming Party

The Contestants have found themselves in Game Show Detention, and this Teach is one real meanie-pants. But as we all know, there is one tried and true way to break a strict teacher’s mean demeanor: The Cool Kids. Watch out BBC, these 80’s clichés are coming with cigarettes and angst to take down The Weakest Link.  Zach works hard for the episode’s explicit tag, Jared confuses well known celebrities, and Adam just wants to be the alien from Alien. Talking Points Include: Brat Preparations, Soggy Sausage, Queen of Mean, Golden Idiot, George Washington’s Diary, Game Show Detention, Cool Kids Table, Matt Wahlberg and Mark Damon, 80s Film Archetypes, Accidental Smart

Finally! All those hours Adam and Jared spent drinking beer and watching Spy Kids in college are finally paying off! Who would have thought that all of that knowledge of the Robert Rodriguez canon would be useful down the road now that The Contestants need to train a Spy Kid of their own. However, going unnoticed isn’t going to be easy when facing off against Spy Kids alum Ricky Gervais on Child Support. Zach gets put on suck, Jared makes a lot of stew metaphors, and Adam finds a very good picture of a man holding antifreeze. Talking Points Include: Cubs Sherpas, Crotchwurst, The Full House Fallacy, Training New Spy Kids, Strategy Stew, Puppet Castle, Geppett-no, Juni Cortez Sabara Trainor

Often, the most dangerous situations are disguised in a false sense of security, and the bizarro world to everyone’s favorite pricing game is no different. We have dealt with him before, but now Wayne Brady is on his home turf, and there’s no telling how much improvised singing will be needed to best him at his own game. The Contestants are finally stepping into the wacky, costumed, zonk filled world of Let’s Make A Deal. Zach wants to make Wayne a deal he can’t refuse, Jared is convinced Wayne wants his voice, and Adam comes to the realization that Wayne wants for nothing. Talking Points Include: Unachievable Dream Derby, Yu-Gi-Oh Horses, James Cameron’s Solo Podcast, Kangaroo Son, Hush Hush Wayne, Ariel Got Zonked, A Biddle of Fold, Grandpa Watch

It’s an episode so nice, we did it twice! Welcome back to our plan, where we’ve apparently decided that we didn’t give the rest of Fester’s family enough attention in the last episode. The Contestants expand on their already solid plan and figure out not only how to sneak a third twin in and out of the race, but also how to get both laces AND velcro onto the same shoe. We’ve spent double the time planning, so naturally we’ll have double the success on The Amazing Race. Zach could talk forever, Jared has Pugsley on the mind, and Adam goes real tall and real fast. Talking Points Include: A Recap, Drew Carey Watch, Pugsley Chat, Tattoos From Og, Shitty Riddles, Presetting Festers, Peeping Phil’s Itinerary, Aesthetic Laces, Spanish Town Conference, Toilet Cam, Uncle Flash Mob, Jerry’s Bee Transformation

Welcome all, to the first game show we’ve faced thus far that is SO BIG we’ve split our plan into TWO (2) episodes! So this one is all about getting on the show, and if we all have to shave our heads, wear trench coats, and hide from the sun for months to make it happen, then so be it. There’s gonna be some stiff competition as we jockey for a spot on The Amazing Race! Zach is throwing a Jolly, Jared is hosting a Stinker, and Adam is having a Honker. Talking Points Include: Midwestern Luau, One Honker of a Game Show, Kitchen Snake, A Spicy Relationship, Our Best and Our Worst, Becoming Three Twins, The Fester Situation, Arch Sweat Snapple, The Amazing Lace, Golden Hour Video

When the Hell tormented ghost of a playwright with unfinished work hands you a copy of one of his very good plays, don’t ask questions, just do the play! And if you cooperate not only will you get the chance to perform it on Broadway, but you wont get dragged to Hell. How’s that for a good deal! The Contestants are going to have their cake and eat it too as they both produce the next big hit on stage AND win a cool million on Unan1mous. Zach is the ghost, Jared literally wants to murder, and Adam thinks memories are weirder than potato soup. Talking Points Include: Closing Time For The Big Dance, Tiny Dancer In The Wind, Potato Soup Pensieve, A Reluctance to Lie, Ghost Pilot, Million Dollar Performance, New Hamlets, A Makeshift Set, Touching The Ghost

Look, we don’t want to frighten you, but just know that we are here to win, and if things don’t go our way all it takes is a couple of toots on this whistle and the place will be swarming with beefcakes in seconds. So why don’t you just ignore the fact that the big Plinko board is tilted and let us rack up a few million real quick. Nothing short of an actual earthquake is gonna keep us from robbing LeBron blind on The Wall. Zach wants to cause an actual earthquake, Jared discovers a catch-all safety net, and Adam is overconfident about the Plinko odds. Talking Points Include: Jared’s Apology, Chicago Elections, Carey v James, Monkey Ball, Detective Hardwick, Faking an Earthquake, Rock Nerds, Beef Payments

So if it takes 12 hours to cold brew tea, and 3 minutes to steep it hot, then we can probably get someone to tell us their life story in an hour or so if we are all in a hot tub. That tracks, right?? Prepare for our new novelty interview show where we are going to steam the secrets out of professional quizzer “The Beast” and Slumdog Millionaire our way to a win on The Chase. Zach is Papa Pup, Jared is Confident Boy, and Adam is Boss-ko Talking Points Include: Ruff Housing, Chaser Nicknames, Walking the Talk, National Treasure 3, Contestant Guild Personas, The Mystery of Boss-ko, Slumdog Beast, Jacuzzi Secrets, Tea Math

Do you think you have what it takes to successfully hide a case worth $100,000 from a team of trained investigators for 48 hours in your home city? We sure don’t, but that’s not gonna stop us from trying! Also, on an unrelated topic, you haven’t somehow seen the movie Flushed Away have you? Zach thinks he would do well in interrogation, Jared thinks he would do well in solitary confinement, and Adam thinks he would do well in neither. Talking Points Include: Return of the Pigeon, Library Movie Submission, Blackout Hiding, All Access Police, Poo Case, $100,000 Inconvenience, Info Overload, Toilet Museum, Chicago Flushed Away

When they go wild, we go mild, and when dealing with a game show that is as wild as this week’s, we are turning to our most bland experiences for inspiration: elementary school library classes. Find the nearest outlet! The Contestants are wheeling the TV cart into Silent Library. Zach doesn’t laugh, Jared looks to Disney characters for assistance, and Adam searches for a new nickname. Talking Points Include: Lifetime Movies, Casper The Sexy Ghost, Zero Hype, Nickname Auditions, An Ursula Plan, Disney Pyramid Scheme, Funny Monks, Poker Night, StudMan’s Sex Book, Library Movies

The Iditarod is upon us! The brave musher and sled dog teams participating in the event are rushing to Nome as we speak. As we learn more about the marathon, we have begun to realize that it may be a little more difficult to win than we first thought. But don’t worry, we’ve played Beerio Kart and watched Van Helsing before, so I’m pretty sure we’ll be alright. Zach drinks his beer at the end, Jared drinks his beer at the start, and Adam drinks his beer throughout. Talking Points Include: A Ruff Start, Balto’s Significance, Battling Alaska, Gatorade LeBron, Beerio Kart, Layover Strategies, Wilderness Uber, Athletic Werewolves, Vampire Dogs, Our Script Is Revealed, Naming Our Team

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, THE IDITAROD HAS OFFICIALLY BEGUN! Buuuuuutt, it’s like an 8-10 day race and we still have some time so what if we just talked about a mediocre animal themed game show filmed at a zoo? Yeah, let’s do that. Animal Planet Zooventure here we come! Zach is fooled by true/false questions, Jared launches a new Big Dog segment, and Adam confuses Hunter and Dundee. Talking Points Include: Early Iditarod Predictions, The Masked Singer Watch, Ruff Housing, Messy Kids, Funny Falling, JD’s Confessions, Bird Hippo, Befriending the Macaw

When it comes time for all NBC employees to sign their new contracts, it can be difficult to get everyone at once. Offer free pizza, however, and you wont be able to keep them away. So come one come all! The Contestants are monitoring a contract signing/pizza party/game night mixer to see which famous icons will be the best teammates for our inevitable conquest of Hollywood Game Night. Zach solves a Joel McHale riddle, Jared is concerned about robots, and Adam proposes a lucrative t shirt collaboration. Talking Points Include: Big Dog Fever, The Masked Singer Watch, Best Host Emmy, How Much Is That Butterworth, Cardiograms, Bad Celebrities, Contract Puzzles, Party Game Instincts, Pizza Delivery Invitations, Joel McHale Sex Riddle