Professional Contestants

Spooky times are upon us. The moon is full, the ghosts are on the loose, and the game shows are more absurd than ever. In an effort to better their chances of surviving in a square mile of Lithuanian forest beyond the rule of law, The Contestants prepare to organize an unusual strike and unionize the titular canines in the horror game show, Release The Hounds. Zach is ready to get crunk, Jared just wants to punch, and Adam has a ghost in his room. Talking Points Include: The Start of Pumpkin Days, Our Favorite Scares, Dog v Human Speed Test, Touching Legality, Being Cops, Being Naked, Dog Strike, Comrade Clifford, Jackhammer Roast, Zach’s Nose Plugs, Adam’s Speed, Jared’s Gun

Okay folks, this one is actually a little scary. I mean, someone was hospitalized after this game show once. So The Contestants are going to do what anyone would do when facing their fears, make Charlie Sheen do it instead! Get ready to see him enter The Chamber! Zach refuses to acknowledge torture fetish, Jared is concerned for the safety of Martin Sheen, and Adam forces the others to take a very bad test. Talking Points Include: Pepper Jackfruit Skeleton, Mosquito Mode, Fair-weather Contestants, Defining Fetish, Finding Our Stress Quotients, Defining Torture, Game Show Lawyers, The Celebrity Chamber, Smash Mouth Mode, The Charlie Sheen Venn Diagram, Releasing The Bees

The Contestants set their sights for the stars with the decision to try their hand in the growing field of private space programs. This will apparently help them win the student loan focused game show, Paid Off. Zach really wants to recreate Accepted, Jared is ready to wipe out student debt entirely, and Adam thinks no one will notice a billion dollar loan differential. Talking Points Include: Zach’s New Exciting Purchase, Tso Slacks, Burp Your Butt Off, Getting More Stupider, Shit Pigeons, Billion Dollar Money Laundering, One Room School House, Space School

Imagine if you will: you’ve traveled for miles and weeks, following treasure maps and solving clue after clue until you have finally arrived at your destination. You open the chest before you and inside is… nothing? That’s right, we beat you to it! This week The Contestants decide to skip the busy work and go straight for their biggest payout to date as they take on the reality game show, Treasure Hunters. Zach is hesitant to make fun of The Groundlings, Jared is revealed to be a human maraca, and Adam cultivates a new pirate persona. Talking Points Include: A LOT About Pirates, 2006 Time Capsule, Two Truthies & A Falsie, Human Maraca, Robot Host, Watching National Treasure in its Entirety, Our Dad Laird, California USA, Infiltrating The Groundlings, Yes And Oath, The Worst Improv Show Ever, The Best Improv Show Ever

It’s the big one folks. Jeopardy! You asked for it, and we avoided talking about it directly by almost exclusively discussing the logistic morality behind turning Alex Trebek into a robot. The Contestants are looking to ensure the future of Jeopardy! for years to come. Zach proposes a Trebek blender, Jared proposes a Trebek hologram, Adam proposes a Trebek cyborg. Talking Points Include: Our Belated Six Month Anniversary, A Self-Reflective Survey, Game Show Big Poppa, Possible Jeopardy! Host Replacements, Ridiculous Wikipedia Quiz, Building a Better Trebek, Perma-Stache, Perma-Dong, IBM Artificial Intelligence, Cyborg Pros and Cons, A Game Show Hosting Blender

You know us: the three toughest guys around. Angsty, shredded, and rearin’ for a tussle. Too bad a game show named Russian Roulette that is literally hosted by Mark Walberg can’t match our level of tough. Cause we came here to do two things: kick ass and chew bubble gum. And we got 400 pieces of bubble gum. Zach’s into trampolines, Jared learns how to tell a joke, and Adam fights for some gum. Talking Points Include: The House is Full, The First Segment for a While, Matthew-Matthew and the Groovy Group, My Myrtle Beach went to a Grandma, Sweet on the Outside, Hardcore Contestants, Literally a Seven Minute Long Conversation About Gum

Attention Netflix! Your giant obstacle course is now the legal property of the Sovereign Nation of Shoe: the new country that is completely dedicated to Rocky Balboa. Don’t worry, nothing will change with Beastmaster and the game will stay perfectly fair (wink). Zach creates an accent, Jared is stuck in a hole, and Adam FINALLY decides on a nickname. Talking Points Include: The Comedy Hole, The BEAST, Inoffensive Accents, True Rocky Fans Only, Just Put a Sidewalk There, Totalitarian Government

Ben Stein’s pot of 5,000 dollars is being guarded by a very rude Jimmy Kimmel. In order to beat the Boring Man at his own game, the Contestants are going to dive deep into his subconscious and revel his cool party persona. Zach has a zebra bit, Jared’s in Chicago, and Adam is too good for poop jokes. Talking Points Include: Traveling Boys, The Zoo Union, Plan #2, Jimmy is a Shit, Jerry Likes the Go-Juice, Into the Stein-iverse, The Whole Fucking Thing with the Mirror

You thought the podcast discussions about Bubble Gum Trolls and throwing food at cats were the most ridiculous thing around? Wait until you hear what ol’ Sethward the Walrus Man is up to. Zach discusses the Absurdist movement, Jared eats some jelly, and Adam craves good physical comedy. Talking Points Include: The Comedy Police, What is a Toad, Tommy Maitland, The Chicken Man, Slinky Josh, Pushing the Envelope, PB and Jared

It may be Shark Week, but the only Sharks the Contestants care about are the ones strapped with cash and knee-deep in Party Wine. So get ready to invest listeners, as we pitch you a product you never knew you needed: the ability to smell just like Brenden Frasier. Zach does birthday chores, Jared starts a hotline, and Adam chickens out of a mustache. Talking Points Include: All the Birthdays, Human Woman Punches Fish, Mark Cuban’s Party Wine, Talkin’ bout the Mummy, Stanky Cebs’, Pierce Brogsnog

Ay, whatcha got there? Your fancy money-cab needs a tow? Well ya pals ova at the ProCo Towing Agency can help you no problem….. SIKE: YOU’RE ON THE BUCK TRUCK NERD!!! NOW ANSWER OUR RIDDLES!!! Zach doesn’t know New York, Jared is exhausted, and Adam drops the Corn Bread rap we’ve all been waiting for. Talking Points Include: The Sleep Cycle, Kidnapping, Game Show Reactions, Road Trip!, Ben Bailey is a Genie, The Smart Part of New York, Scott Bacula is in the Cab, The Buck Truck, Corn Bread Beats

The Contestants are all really busy, alright! Get off their backs! Check out this highlight reel from some of our earliest episodes. Zach doesn’t really know much about audio editing, Jared has an hour commute in the mornings, and Adam never gets off work before 9:00 PM. Talking Points Include: The Price is Right, Deal or No Deal, Candy Crush, Hollywood Squares, 2018 Winter Olympics, HQ, Family Feud

With the opportunity to lie directly to celebrities in front of all of America, The Contestants discover the chance to usurp some celebs and make a long overdue dramatic sequel. Zach becomes Sean Bean, Jared becomes Joel McHale, and Adam becomes Sarah Silverman. Talking Points Include: Two Realies and One Falsie, Paul Bunyan’s Ox, Ignoring The Elephant, Bullying Bullies, I Am Joel McHale, Celebrity Identity Theft, Kangaroo Jack 2, 2003 in Film, Tempting Anthony Anderson, Eating Sean Bean, Some Pigeon Names

Crack open a Bud Light Orange, lay out in the sun, and join The Contestants for this first official episode of summer. While brainstorming the best way to fix the underwhelming dud that was this year’s Price is Right Summer Special, The Contestants find themselves in the perfect position to organize the largest party of all time and finally bring about world peace. Zach must have watched Don’t Mess With The Zohan recently, Jared commits a mustache sin, and Adam debates his official DJ name. Talking Points Include: A Summer Dud, Eviscerate the Pigeon, Beach Flavored La Croix, Live from SeaWorld, Orca Whale Showcase, 3×3 Private Island, Sea Rats, Tug Boat Puns, The World’s Biggest Beach Party, Solving World Peace, Air SeaNSea, Mediterranean Sea Reviews

As the Summer of Summers comes to a close, the Contestants decide to pursue a moral victory to earn the forgiveness and respect of their good friend Marc. That lasts about 20 minutes and they decide to dress up as ghosts instead.   Zach provides the score, Jared works the fan base, and Adam does a good. Talking Points Include: Adam’s Last Stand, The Fan Base, Pigeon Babies, DUNKED, Mr. Alaski’s One-Man Show, The Summers’ Canon, ;), AH! REAL GHOSTS!, The Chimp Returns, Zach Is The World

The Contestants suddenly find themselves in a very real position to organize a coup against the President of Nickelodeon. Zach really wants some apple pie, Jared is concerned about the type of audience What Would You Do could attract, and Adam stumbles onto some vital information that changes everything. Talking Points Include: A New Wipeout, Pie Eventually, Coaster Poems, The Nickelodeon Tyranny, Kids Choice Elections, Facilitating the Messy, 500 Days of Summers, Zach’s Very Good Dr. Phil Impression, Nickelodeon Political Puns, A Running Primate

The Contestants have to tread lightly as they debate the best way to be accepted onto a game show that only admits child contestants: Double Dare. Zach takes on the role of a single dad / spin doctor, Jared ponders the legality of being a little boy, and Adam worries about how many times Jared has said ‘Little Boy.’ Talking Points Include: National Doughnut Day, Sneaky Emails, Y2K Logic, Origin of Slime, Busch Gardens, Cousin Griffin, Perfect Innocence, The Hardships of a Single Parent Household, Double Disguises, One Inch Stilts, Gym Scooters

The Contestants are proud to announce their very first holiday: a season-long celebration of  game show host and producer Marc Summers. To kick this party off right they discuss a game show that Marc Summers only hosted once, and a show that may or may not break the rules of the Geneva Convention. Zach slaps the bass, Jared investigates war crimes, and Adam gives credit and takes it away. Talking Points Include: The Living is Easy, The Summer of Summers, Pause this Episode, The Rules of Cram, War Crime?, The ~Strangest~ Things, Marc Summers Did a Cuss, A Good Property Brothers Bit, The Importance of the Audience, A Half-Formed Idea, Jared’s Ex-Girlfriend, A Rabbit Hole

The Contestants stumble upon the realization that producing is where the real money is and hatch a plan to reboot and revamp an old boring game show to start raking in that dough. Zach reveals his new chill persona, Jared is haunted by theme music, and Adam sides with some haters. Talking Points Include: A Chill Intro, Lots of Beans, Lame Contestants, One Man Studio Audience, The World’s Most Expensive Attempt to Finish a Crossword Puzzle, Big Band Coconuts, Our First Great Plan, Finding a Cross-Daddy, The Tomb of The Pharaoh Merv

The Contestants fall into quite a bit of disagreement on not only the quality of the show Hole In The Wall, but also on the best way to win it. Zach prepares to draw a butter bath, Jared readies his body to leave its corporeal form, and Adam looks to steal some high quality hologram technology. Talking Points Include: Adam’s Animal Hour, Inflatable Spooky, Lots of Opinions, Hole Counter, Logistics of Becoming a Ghost, Bathroom Hologram Tech, Butter Bath, A Very Bad Necromancer, The End of The Podcast