Professional Contestants

Before you even start with us, we know! Okay? We are fully aware we were duped and Holey Moley's second season really isn't any different than the first. And YES, we know that our original plan wasn't that great either. So like... maybe this time we just talk about Magic Tree House and a Google Drive based NBA the whole time? Yeah? Sounds good. Zach is thinking about ChalkZone, Jared reveals his fan fiction, and Adam is prepared to bow to our new animated overlord. Talking Points Include: Ghoul Watch, Rewriting Children's Books, A New and Improved Steph, Competitive Animated NBA, Fundraising Video Game, We Get Out-Wilded, Hungry Ron

Crabs! Crabs! Look over here crabs! We want you to be successful when you rise from the sea to storm the Alaskan beaches, so make sure to have plenty of Auntie Anne's Pretzels and Orange Julius for fighting power! It is truly the best military secret we humans have to offer! This will teach those mean men to stop catching you for the entertainment of reality television! Zach imagines a new Hooters for crabs, Jared lights a fire to incite a crab revolution, and Adam super doesn't want to touch a crab. Talking Points Include: Summer Heat, Mystery Flush, Poseidon's Ocean Monopoly, Co-op Crabbing, Touching a Crab, Crab Guns, Boiling the Sea, Ocean Caste System, Ellen Page Beach, The Shopping Mall Armory

We can all think back to the good times we've had on a playground, and no matter who you are, we have all played the de facto king of playground games. Ask anyone and they will tell you, there's nothing quite like a rowdy game of Clog The Slide. Get ready to feel that nostalgia for being smashed inside of a dark tube! Oh yeah, and we talk about a game show too. Zach is scared of being smushed, Jared reignites our passion for a classic playground game, and Adam has a stroke while thinking about J.J. Watt. Talking Points Include: Masked Singer Watch, Adult Tag, Fake Fan Base, Taggers vs Hounds, Colosseum Rules, The Watt Sisters, Clog The Slide, Playing Our Punch-Em' Card

Look, we know that the entertainment industry is facing a crippling financial crisis due to long term shutdowns and social distancing orders. Well here at ProCo HQ, we think it's the perfect time to start thinking outside the box. As soon as we turn Marlon Brando into poop, the world can start to heal, one emoji at a time. Zach believes people will pay to take a photo with clouds, Jared thinks WonkaVision is the answer, and Adam wants to bring emojis to life. Talking Points Include: Happy Birthday Tarzan, Jurassic Park Feedback, Lizard Brains, Texting Culture, Sir Poopy Stewart, Emoji Park, Mr. Wonka's Chocolate Biodome, Big Marlo Brandon

What's up, bros?! We're glad you can all be here for beer and roughhousing! Ya know, just boy stuff! Lets make friends with a toy cowboy, knock Santa off the roof, and then transform into a dog! Ya know, guy stuff! Now lets trick Tim Allen out of his entire net worth in a series of increasing side bets over a game of pool! Ya know, just some boy stuff! Zach knows a lot about Christmas with the Kranks, Jared truly wants to scam Tim Allen, Adam is convinced they need to perform a Globetrotters level stunt. Talking Points Include: Light Energy, Dance Flowers, Grunt Bets, Doing The Columbo, The Last Real Man, A Live Grunt Experience, Roughhousing With The Boys, Grunt Contest

A bit of blackjack advice to those who have enough sense to take it. Never split tens, always stand on a hard seventeen, and if the dealer turns The Left Leg of The Forbidden One SPRINT OUT OF THE BUILDING! Once Yu-Gi-Oh meets blackjack someone's grandpa is going to the shadow realm, and these three hot pharaohs are taking that knowledge to the bank on Catch 21. Zach pitches a way to battle with baseball cards, Jared once played the Harry Potter trading card game, and Adam knows way too much about Yu-Gi-Oh. Talking Points Include: Custody of The Boy Wizard, Dudley's Path, A Trivia Way of Life, The French Prince, Building The Forbidden One, an An Anime Lesson, Save the Grandpa Save the World, Fighting Baseball Cards, Zach's Dream, Invoking Yu-Gi-Oh Rules, Handsome Spirit Pharaohs

"I say, Grapes. This chardonnay is truly exquisite." "It would be more exquisite if you weren't drinking it out of a RED wine glass, Hot Frasier." Now imagine this scene surrounded by a bunch of hot coeds and they are all doing physical challenges. That's some irresistible television! Welcome to our self sustaining sitcom within The Challenge. Zach is Hot Frasier's Hot Dad, Jared is Hot Frasier, and Adam is Grapes. Talking Points Include: Fighter Pilot Nicknames, Frodo Confusion, OG Reality TV, Fruit Names, Redoing Sitcoms, Sibling Rivalry, Hamlet Monkeys, A Self Sustaining Frasier Ecosystem

Come here sonny. It is me, your actual grandma. Just put down that buzz saw and come a little bit closer so that I can... CHOMP! That's right! All you "tough" robot fighters better watch out, because Grandma is on a warpath and she's not gonna stop till she is the ultimate super heavyweight champion of BattleBots! Zach wants Your Actual Grandma to have a strong tongue, Jared wants Your Actual Grandma to resemble The Cave of Wonders, and Adam wants Your Actual Grandma to have a gun. Talking Points Include: Awkward Zoom Parties, The Future of Combat Sports, Talkin' Bot, Psychological Warfare, Dumpster on Wheels, Why Jeremy Why, Endearing Our Bot, Grandma's Final Form

Some are born great, some achieve greatness, and some have greatness whispered into their ear while they are taking a nap. That third one is obviously the only way we are going to get Glee creator Ryan Murphy to make a new season of his great high school show, but this time staring an old janitor and his parrot. This pure TV gold is coming at you straight from The Glee Project. Zach has opinions about Ryan Murphy, Jared wants to get Johnathan Banks in Glee, and Adam is a proponent of parrot representation on TV. Talking Points Include: Return of Ruff Housing, Big Dog x Wrestling, Show About a Room, High School Parrot, Forbidden Love, Breaking A Witch's Curse, Our Glee Spec Script, Multiple Spin-offs, Incepting Another Murphy

Ok, here's the plan. Like all good heists, the target will be distracted while our elite team of five sneaks in and retrieves the reward. The distraction: Jumanji. The team: ProCo + Banderas and Shalhoub. The objective: The Win. Who says we have to heist something physical? We're taking on esports for the first time as we target The League of Legends World Championship. Zach is Clean Tom, Jared is Mr. Potato Head, and Adam is Romance Mac. Talking Points Include: Gentlemen's Hour, Esports Resort, Champion Trivia, Gragas Fan Club, Pleasure Personified, The Two Time Tonys, Team Cosplay, A Double Heist, Entering the Game

Y'all remember Bionicles? Remember how super cool they were and how you definitely wanted to be intimate with them? Just make sure to keep that in mind when the inevitable Bionicle invasion happens. It will help the whole situation go down much smoother. It's all for a good cause anyway because that invasion is going to be our key to outbuilding the competition in LEGO Masters. Zach dreams of a chimney on a cat, Jared dreams of a Dilbert remake with Shaq, and Adam dreams of a ghost made of pudding. Talking Points Include: Ladies Love NCIS Los Angeles, Tupac and a Half Man, Pokemon not Pokemons, Ignoring Lego Guides, Naked Brick Suit, Shaq Social Commentary, The Bride of Dr. Bionicle's Monster, Will Arnett but Better, Bionicle: Home Wrecker, A New Better Nutcracker

Fact No. 1: Anyone is more intimidating when they are on a horse. Fact No. 2: Horses are super powerful and can definitely beat you up. Fact No. 3: A horse can take on five armored knights simultaneously if the horse also has armor and knows karate. Need I say more? We are riding this horse straight to the Armored Combat League and becoming the champions of Knight Fight. Zach thinks the horse should be part of our armor, Jared thinks the horse should know karate, and Adam thinks the horse should be fake. Talking Points Include: Gatorade Hot Tub, Taking It Easy, Disappointing Fights, Eight Way Joust, Cootie Knights, Chitty Chitty Neigh Neigh, Nerd on a Horse, Big Jake and Thumbelina, The Air Bud Defense, 

Gather round kids, and I'll tell you the story of how an elephant saved an entire civilization that existed on a delicious nacho cheese snack chip. The world consisted entirely of branded products and cost over five hundred million dollars to broadcast live to the viewers of a certain annual big game. Oh yeah, and the dude who directed Thor was involved. Stop asking about The Drinking Game Show. We're doing Seussical now. Zach rewrites musical lyrics, Jared fully understands knighthood, and Adam has an award nominated voice. Talking Points Include: Snakes vs Mice, Back to Stinkers, Our Doritos Commercials, Rewriting Seussical, Hijacking a School Project, Befriending The Director of Thor, A Dr. Seuss Cameo, Improvised Uncle Chipps, A Live Commercial Musical

THE CONTESTANTS ARE BACK FOR SEASON TWO BABY! As we return from our brief hiatus, we have the urge to change things up a bit, and the energy we're bringing is gonna be wild. To kick off this new phase of the ProCo saga, we are jumping head first into future of reality game shows. Welcome to The Circle, where despite the fact that players only interact via social media, we can still find a way fake a murder! Zach wants to be a joke-a-day account, Jared wants to be a cuss boy, and Adam wants to catfish people with memes. Talking Points Include: Zach's Life Trivia, Season Two Energy, Horny Jail, Developing Our Persona, Jared's Philosophical Questions, A Sexy Reveal, Faking a Murder, Hot Detectives

100 episodes. 97 plans created. It’d be a shame to let all this game show knowledge go to waste. Finally, on our 100th episode of Professional Contestants, the leading experts on Game Show Studies will create the world’s most perfect game show. Buckle up. Zach makes a PowerPoint, Jared pats himself on the back, and Adam really wants a heist.

Here you go folks, it's the in depth analysis on Donkey Kong's extended history that you didn't ask for, but certainly need to hear. Join Zach and Jared as they are taken through the DK Crew's troubling timeline by newly anointed Kong historian, Adam Decker. War, family conflict, the occupation of foreign territory to bleed it dry of its main resources, it's all here. Access the companion guide here: https://drive.google.com/file/d/1kZKx7oEe9wQFCpe_YC4KNmVx3jM70Ru0/view?usp=sharing You'll need it.

Happy holidays to all! We actually managed to get a properly themed episode this week, where we're facing off in an artistic baking competition against professional gingerbread artists. We know we don't stand a chance... unless we could somehow enlist the help of Santa's Arch Elf. Wait, wasn't he in Numb3rs too? With those powers combined, we can bake up an unstoppable structure to win Holiday Gingerbread Showdown. Zach describes a magic trick, Jared dreams up a cookie building infrastructure, and Adam thinks he looks like the guy from Numb3rs. Talking Points Include: Countdown to Quichemas, Credit Card Butt, Gingerbread Experience, Questionably Edible, Gremlins' Day Off, Random Word Christmas, Finding an Assistant, Kid Numb3rs, Baking Oceans 11, Lego Cookies, Theme Lightning Round, Christmas Salad

When planning the opposite of a well balanced and truly exciting vacation, it isn't a bad vacation we want, but rather one that is 100% neutral. And when a lecture on the density of rocks given by Danny DeVito is still too exciting, we're going to have to think even more bland if we want to earn the most thrilling vacation on Holiday Showdown. Zach defends the dignity of Indianapolis, Jared reveals his Christmas itinerary, and Adam has a hard time grasping true neutral. Talking Points Include: We Got Got, Artificial Conflict, Vacationing at Jared's House, Old Leonard, Our Ideal Vacations, Everything Bagel Opposite, Best Worst Neutral, Idle Gorge, Pioneer Village, World's Largest Bob Evans, A Thrilling Packing List

Ok, here's the deal. You can either see Burn Notice perform on a beach for $50, or in a bar for $10. What? You don't know Burn Notice? Remember how they were stranded on a desert island for seven years and have now returned to perform their once great television show in a live format? Oh, and they're really good at 25 Words or Less now too. Zach thinks he's seen Johnny English, Jared thinks he knows who Bruce Campbell is, and Adam thinks no one has strong feelings about Meredith Vieira. Talking Points Include: One Word Intro, Bustin' on Ben Franklin, True Neutral Meredith, Jeff Dunham's Unmatched Power, Camp Lost, Island Entertainment, Funny Spies, The Johnny English Secret, Peanut Butter Distraction

Double-decker bus: British. Double-decker bus with a Union Jack on the side: more British. Double-decker bus with a Union Jack on the side that serves you tea: extremely British. Double-decker bus with a Union Jack on the side where the person who serves you tea is dressed as a bear? I mean, if it's surrounded by this many ultra British things, the Tea Bear must be a British thing too, right? Zach is Mr. Queen, Jared is Big Ben, and Adam is The Beefeater. Talking Points Include: Rivalry Trophy Game, Bonus Host, A Jimmy On The Side, Trashing England, Reviewing The Playbook, The Tea Bear, Merlin's Mustard Hat, Alternate British Personas