Professional Contestants

Cameo has been around for a while now, but we're pretty sure no one knows how it actually works. Like if we play our cards right, we should be able to get a celebrity to unknowingly say something that legally signs their net worth over to us. And if we can remake Psych with us as the main characters in the process, well hey, that's a win-win. Zach searches Cameo for the best deals, Jared still has extortion on the brain, and Adam retells his secondhand account of a game show disaster. Talking Points Include: Polaroid Paparazzi, Sleepy Hands on a Hardbody, Bring Back This Show, Fernando Dance, Blowing Chunks on Wheel of Fortune, Too Much Cookies All in My Tummy, Stew Hefner

They can put into a high pressure trivia game. They can get John McEnroe to yell at us. They can even make bags of chips explode in our face. The one thing they cant do is raise dead Jared's heart rate above 0 bpm. Don't worry, we'll bring him back to life once we're done. The pope owes us one. Zach will buy a fake hand for the pope, Jared will die and get resurrected, and Adam will shove a coupon into Jared's mouth. Talking Points Include: Iditarod Check-In, Fixing Marathons, Bad Chair, Grandpa v Grandpa, Yet Another Weekend at Bernie's, Hype Jesus, Vatican Coupons

It's time we all acknowledge the fact that no one likes to watch other people sing karaoke. If we have to do it on national television while trying to remember specific lyrics, it's pretty much a lose-lose situation for us.  So why don't we lean into the awful and just do Free Bird ten times? Guitar solo and all. Now NO ONE is gonna have a good time. Zach wants to complain until he gets money, Jared thinks he can learn ten songs, and Adam conducts BBQ science. Talking Points Include: King Henry's Beef Monologues, Dreams Above Your Head, Masked Singer Watch, Jagger Notoriety, Nationalize Frasier, Hey Caroline, Free Bird x10

As Americans, we may disagree about who sings the best love songs or what the best thing to see in San Francisco is. But one thing we can all agree on is that firefighters are the absolute coolest. Enjoy what may be the last episode of this podcast, as we consider leaving our current lives behind to pursue our dreams of driving big trucks, sliding down poles, and hanging out with dogs all day. Zach wants to buy a firetruck, Jared saw some cool firefighters, and Adam defends the fire pole. Talking Points Include: Friends 2.0 The Ross Cut, Higgins Reviews, The San Francisco Treat, The Firefighter Lifestyle, Pole vs Stairs

There's only one way that a bodybuilder like The Rock could get so strong. He must be genetically engineering super eggs from his own personal chickens. So if a normal person got their hands on one of these eggs, it would be too strong for them to even crack it. But if one man somehow was able to break that egg? He surely would be crowned the winner of whatever game show he happened to be on! Zach thinks he knows where The Rock lives, Jared harbors egg secrets, and Adam has a bizarre photo of Zach and Jared. Talking Points Include: Homemade White Claw, Real Life Iron Man, Learning About Ireland Jared's First Law of Game Shows, Rent-A-Referee, Mike Wazowski's Basketball Career, Excalibur Egg, The Gaston Diet, Dirt Gnome

We've never really been huge fans of anime. It's just so mainstream, you know? Disney and Pixar are always winning best anime film at the Oscars every year and it all feels the same. Some of those classic characters might be worth something though, and cosplaying as everyone's favorite anime character, Tow Mater, is just what we need to gaslight a group of game show contestants and win a bunch of money. Zach gets duped by TikTok, Jared wants a very specific birthday gift, and Adam ponders the limits of Cameo. Talking Points Include: The Charli Drink Fiasco, Anniversary Blend Bean Stink, Jimmy Carter's Parrot, Who Is Daddy?, Redneck Dracula, Mater Suit Joyride

We've been on a bit of a stinker streak with our game show choices lately and you know what, we're just sick of it. So for the first half of the episode, we're just gonna try out a bunch of openings, and for the second half we ponder important questions such as, "What might the view be like from the back of The Hollywood Squares?" Riveting stuff. Zach informs us about a wild new sport, Jared wants to see the butts, and Adam is looking for a Tennessee Williams style reality show.  Talking Points Include: Jared's Decaf Adventure, Dunkin Sugar Attack, Football Furniture, Merv Griffin's Perfect Birthday, Noises Off The Game Show, Best Backstage Drama, Mark's Secret, A Real Bad Callback

You know this guy Bobcat? He's a rude and rowdy dude who needs a taste of his own medicine. We know exactly where to source that medicine from. And remember, if you like this episode, just clap and hoot and holler as much as you want. The very accurate applause-o-meter will let us know. Segment music written and recorded by friend of the show Andrew Stewart - @andrewishuman on Twitter. Zach despises applause-o-meters, Jared introduces a new format for tiebreakers, and Adam and Jerry Seinfeld are kindred spirits. Talking Points Include: King George Begins, Animal Planet Black List, A New Better Halftime Show, Insult Comics, Steve Urp-bowl, Stanning Tom Bergeron, Jared's Haunted House Rules, Give Us a WooHoo, Using Insult Comics to Our Advantage

The Jaws Effect: an idea that an imposing yet unseen mysterious force is driving much of the plot and actions in a movie. It makes it that much more impactful when that force is finally revealed. Now imagine that force is Kevin James, and the movie is called Here Comes The Boom. Apply to literally any movie plot, and you've got yourself a winner. Zach gets confused by a TikTok trend, Jared makes an attempt at true professionalism, and Adam is convinced that jockeys are prepared to kill their horse. Talking Points Include: Ben Franklin's Electric Urine, Kelsey Grammer's Breakfast Songs, Papa Tom Death Clause, Leutinant Vandersnatch and the Winter Wizard, Werner Hertzog is Coming to Town, A Nasty Horse's Guide to Murder, Young Joker

Look, this ain't that fake pro wrastlin' BS you see on tv. This is the real deal, where enormous men are paid money to punch you, kick you, and prevent your success. So for assistance, we are turning to the one thing in the building that we feel that we can identify with. No, it's none of the human beings, but do you see that snake over there? Zach explains British slang, Jared devises a Federal Wrestling Project, and Adam attempts to flex his limited knowledge of pro wrestling. Talking Points Include: Sledding Stunts, Boxer Based Public Transportation, Referee Shorts, Wrestling Relief Programs, Dementor's Kiss, The Rude Dude Bubba King, Crunch of the Night, Under The Dome, Snake Hypnosis

Lets crunch the numbers. We got Monopoly, a board game that everyone knows but no one really likes. We got a half hour span of tv air time in 1990. Put those hands together and you have a pretty boring game show that we don't really want to talk about all that much. Result: 20+ minutes of Willy Wonka discussion and some personal takes on capitalism to boot. Zach discovers a Mouse Trap game show, Jared knows too much about the second Wonka book, and Adam spins up some impromptu board game trivia. Talking Points Include: Wonka Talk, The Four Deaths of Merv Griffin, Fixing Presidential Pardons, Sexy Theme Song, Webopoly, Flash Videos, Bad Board Game Varieties, That's Monopoly Baby Bop

After one-hundred and forty-three episodes, we like to think of ourselves as some of the foremost experts on game shows on this great planet of ours. Therefore, it is about time we start to put that knowledge to good use, and submit our method of classifying game shows to be published in academic journals. We present to you, The Movie Mouse Morality Chart! Oh, and we do one for game shows too. Zach has chaotic evil tastes, Jared teaches us about chess memes, and Adam tries too hard to explain a cop-out plan. Talking Points Include: Chess Update, Crunchling Adventure, The White Dude With The Hair, Fat Guy/Little Guy/Big Guy/Girl, Movie Mouse Morality Chart, A Live Clip Episode, Wikileaks With Ruff Ruffman

I'm gonna be totally up front with you. We read Wikipedia articles for a good portion of this one. But we have to do our research since we're training to become the world's greatest detective. It just so happens that research involves infiltrating the home of a questionable member of famous magician duo Penn & Teller. Zach imagines Reba as our only client, Jared hates Guess Who, and Adam prepares to become a sexy Sherlock. Talking Points Include: Dynamite Tremendous, Reba Fans, Tony Hawk's Big Spin, The Slammer, Subjective Guess Who, Dating Sherlock Holmes In The Modern Era

Three Eagle Scouts. One Firecrafter. Over twenty years of combined camp experience. You best believe that when these three boys are sent to a game show camp, they know exactly how to become the coolest ones there. Also some tips: The talking Jesus lion is chill, the pretty witch lady is super evil, and Santa might give you a sword. Zach is Dr. Beef, Jared is Johnny Hot Cakes, and Adam is Captain Poopy. Talking Points Include: Big Dogs Wear Masks, Mixed-Up Spaghetti Postmortem, Camp Time Exchange Rate, Fire By Friction, Señor Loco, Sassafras Cigars, Camp Personas, The Narnia Guidelines for Camp

Bring a pot of water to a boil. Cook six packets of ramen noodles for three minutes, then drain. Sauté chicken, carrots, and jalapenos and add to noodles. Pour A1 sauce. More than that. Yep, keep going. Bleed that baby dry. Zach discovers the most important sporting event, Jared drops a great holiday recipe, and Adam thinks Greek Gods enjoy duckpin bowling. Talking Points Include: Doug Does A Reverse Rudy, A Great Meal to make at Home!, We Need More Grandmas, Double Stuffed Grandma, What Would Zeus Do?, Our Apologies to Jim Davis

The World is always telling you "No." No, you can’t come into the factory without a Golden Ticket. No, you can’t chew that bubble gum or you’ll turn into a blueberry. Get off of that camera Mike, or you’re gonna get zapped into the TV. In a world full of “No’s”, only one body wash is brave enough to say “Yes, go ahead and shove yourself face first into that chocolate river.” Zach thinks of James Bond ice cream flavors, Jared wants to meet a Geico mascot, and Adam comes up with a killer slogan. Talking Points Include: All Hail the King, Double-O Raisins, A Stinky Garbage Gameshow, The Axe Marketing Team are Cowards, A Free Dinner Would Be Nice

Ah, the MET. An evening of culture and refinement. What’s playing in the main proscenium this eve? Ah a classic: Madama Butterfly by Giacomo Puccini, performed by the percussion ensemble Stomp. Oh, they are performing it in its original trash can lids! What a delight! Zach watches James Corden during the podcast, Jared has a great package joke, and Adam lies about the White Stripes. Talking Points Include:  Spooky Stories for Those With Social Anxiety, A Flat Stanley Situation, The Masked Singer Family, There’s No Reason to Hate Ken Jeong, Objectively Bad, Taller or Shorter, Cake and the Cupcakes, A Night at the Stompra

Oof. Episode one hundred and thirty-seven huh? It’s about time we made some coin from this thing. This is a labor of love, of course, but come on: these boys gotta eat. It’s about time we pull a Friends and get ourselves syndicated. That’s still a thing, right?  Zach explains how to heckle, Jared starts a scholarship for himself,  and Adam creates the worst form of ASMR.  Talking Points Include: Jared’s Gambit, We Think We Know How Syndication Works, Just as Funny as Bob and Tom, A Special Guest!, HOW’S YOUR HOME LIFE?, Jay Leno Must Find His Guest

We spend 20+ minutes talking about the rat guy from Harry Potter. Yeah, the man who turned into a rat and lived in Ron’s pocket for 5 years. There’s other stuff in there too, and it’s all really funny, but most of this episode is dedicated to the rat discussion. Just wanted to give you a heads up. Zach brings up Rupert Grint, Jared pitches new slang, and Adam doesn’t understand how Inspector Gadget works. Talking Points Include: Threat Talk with Adam, Zach, and Jared, New Slang, How the Grint Rup’d Christmas, Ricky the Rat-Man and Ronald Weasley

A spectre is haunting CBS - the spectre of Baby Geniuses. For too long Les Moonves has exploited the cuteness of children: but children are smarter than we think, and the Contestants will see these babies get the full value of their labor. Come, Babies! You have nothing to lose but your chains! Zach coaches Little League, Jared finds a way to destroy Fox News, and Adam doesn’t have the Talking Stick. Talking Points Include: A Club About Books, 16 Smart Jokes for Adults, Send My Emails to Alfonso, No One Buys Bubble Gum, The Plot of Baby Geniuses, Urban Merch, Das Kapital Jr.